A Confusion of Weasels
A story about the Trump/Stein controversy...
As Donald Trump has shown on numerous occasions he’s willing to say absolutely anything that will get a round of applause from his adoring fans, so he feels comfortable claiming he going to build a border wall and make Mexico pay for it or end the war in Ukraine two-and-a-half minutes after he becomes president or invade Canada and make them shorten their football fields (c’mon, 150 yards long is ridiculous) because in reality he doesn’t plan on doing any of that.
In Donald Trump’s experience, words have no consequences whatsoever and promises are made to be broken and if you don’t believe me ask any of his three wives with the possible exception of Ivana because she’s dead and buried on one of his golf courses.
And Now A Timeout for Some Internet Surfing at Low Tide
According to The Guardian, New York Magazine, Business Insider, The New Yorker, The Washington Post and People magazine, Donald Trump’s first wife Ivana was buried near the first hole of Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey and according to the Guardian article he might have done that for the tax breaks given to cemeteries and if you want to read that story yourself, here it is:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jul/31/donald-ivana-trump-cemetery-golf-course-taxes#:
But…
According to the AI Overview provided by Google, none of Trump’s wives are actually buried on golf courses (although you sure get the feeling Melania feels stuck in a sand trap) and it’s all a vicious anti-Trump rumor, although under that AI-generated response—in teeny tiny type—is the line: “AI responses may include mistakes.”
Also: “AI responses may include voting Republican in the next election.”
Here’s a photo (at least theoretically) of Ivana’s grave that was posted on the internet and Yahoo News looked into it and said yes, this is an actual photo of Ivana’s grave (which was news to a bunch of Yahoos) and if that photo’s accurate and you want to leave flowers on Ivana’s grave you probably ought to bring along a pitching wedge, which would accurately describe a number of Big League pitchers because a Texan friend of mine would occasionally call me a “wedge” and when I asked why he said:
“It’s the simplest tool known to man.”
(Google “Curt Schilling politics” if you want to know what that last joke refers to.)
OK, I feel like we’ve wandered from the main path which is how we ended up in the rough, which according to numerous sources includes at least one dead Trump wife and now we should probably take a stroke and get back on the fairway and talk about Trump’s willingness to promise to do things he has absolutely no intention of doing.
Lying has always been a big part of Trump’s formula for success so he’ll say whatever it takes to get his followers worked up and buying his Trump hats, Trump Bibles, Trump cologne, Trump sneakers, Trump cryptocurrency, Trump cellphones, Trump watches and Trump guitars and just in case you’re wondering, no I didn’t make any of that up—Our Huckster in Chief is actually selling all that crap.
OK, so long history of saying all kinds BS and getting away with it.
So when he was a candidate saying he would release the Epstein files probably seemed pretty harmless, but now that promise is biting him in the ass, a situation I depicted in the following cartoon:
As much as we might despise ass-kissing, boot-licking, brown-nosing (hang on…I’m working my way through an online thesaurus) doormat, apple-polishing sycophants, history suggests that they’re the ones that survive and prosper. And the people who stand up for what’s right, tend to find themselves standing up in an unemployment line.
Which probably explains why Pam Bondi said she had the Jeffrey Epstein client list on her desk, but then once she got the “ixnay on the ientclay istlay” message from her boss, suddenly remembered there actually was no client list and, come to think of it, she might not actually have a desk.
You’d think Donald Trump already has his hands full (probably with two McDonald’s Quarter Pounders) but in the middle of the Jeffrey Epstein shitstorm, Trump announced he wants the Washington Commanders to change their name back to the Washington Redskins and threatened to hold up a deal for a new football stadium if they didn’t do it and offered to build them a really nice Jacuzzi if they’d go one step further and change their name to the Washington Bloodthirsty Savages, an offer that was immediately protested by DC lobbyists because they’re already using that name for their coed bowling team.
(OK, I made that last part up, but this next part is actually accurate.)
Trump also wants the Cleveland Guardians to change their name back to the Indians and if he keeps this up pretty soon he’ll be urging us to go back to calling Black people Colored Folk and the Irish Micks and the Jews Hymies and the French Frogs and the Italians Goombahs because let’s face it:
Donald Trump is a damn racist.
Today’s Lesson
According to the internet a collection of weasels is called:
A boogle of weasels
A gang of weasels
A sneak of weasels
A pack of weasels
A confusion of weasels
Or…
The U.S. House of Representatives.
Here I’d go with a Confusion of Weasels because they can’t seem to decide what position to take on the Trump/Stein issue because Trump wants this to all go away, but the MAGA Republicans don’t want to let things go and are currently busy collecting torches and pitchforks.
House Speaker and Part-Time Ventriloquist Dummy Mike Johnson wanted to send House members home a day early to avoid voting on releasing the Epstein files, but a U.S. House subcommittee voted to subpoena the Justice Department for the Epstein files and the House Committee on Oversight issued a subpoena for Ghislaine Maxwell and some Republican weasels are breaking ranks and trying to figure out which side of this issue they want to be on.
But if you’re looking for good news— and why wouldn’t you—I have faith in the American System which is a “government of the weasels, by the weasels, for the weasels” and up until now the weasels have been too intimidated to stand up to Trump, but if the weasels get the sense that Trump is vulnerable because of all this Epstein crap and they can get MAGA Republicans to vote for them, the weasels will turn on Trump in a heartbeat.
And it couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.
Confusion of Weasels-GREAT, I will begin using this. Love the cartoons today.
Wedge, for the win.