A picture is worth 207 words
“A picture is worth a thousand words.”
According to the infallible internet, that saying was created by an advertising executive named Fred R. Barnard, but instead of taking credit, Fred attributed it to an ancient Japanese philosopher and then six years later called it an ancient Chinese proverb because he thought it gave the saying more credibility if it originated in Asia and the ease with which Fred lied his ass off indicates he picked the right profession.
Realizing he was on to a good thing, Fred then created:
“As Confucius say: Winston taste good like cigarette should.”
An example of advertising duplicity I just made up, but I wanted to demonstrate Fred isn’t the only guy with a gift for bullshit. (Moving on…and not a moment too soon.)
As I have previously stated, I think abortion is a complicated issue, best left to women and their doctors, which means politicians and ancient Supreme Court Justices so far behind the times they think people still drive “flivvers” and drink “hooch” and listen to “the wireless” ought to butt the hell out. And to illustrate that very point I drew a cartoon showing politicians and the courts invading a woman’s privacy when she was at her most vulnerable.
(OK, that was only 207 words, so apparently I owe you another 3.854368932 cartoons.)
True Picture-Worth-A-Thousand-Words story alert
For a while the US contemplated building an MX missile system that would include a bunch of different missile silos, but fewer missiles which would be moved around so the Russians wouldn’t know which silos had a missile and which silos were empty and being used to host U.S. Air Force karaoke contests. (As you might have guessed, that last fact is speculation on my part.) The counter argument to this Three Stooges scheme was the Russians might say the hell with it and take out all the silos at once.
So Caspar Weinberger was trying to explain this to Ronald Reagan and Ronnie was having a hard time grasping the argument until Cap showed him a political cartoon by Mike Keefe of the Denver Post. The cartoon depicted Leonid Brezhnev being asked to guess which silo contained the missile and then Brezhnev smashing all of them.
Mike’s a good friend and a smart guy and a terrific cartoonist, but I’ve seen him do some really goofy shit (because I was right there doing that goofy shit with him) and I think it ought to scare the hell out of you that we occasionally elect Presidents of the United States who are so dense, political cartoonists are having to explain things to them.
(If the current administration would like me to drop by the Oval Office and tell Joe why it’s not OK to sniff women’s hair, I’m available.)
And just in case you think I made this Reagan/Cartoon incident up (which, let’s face it, my past history indicates I would have absolutely no problem doing) here’s a story about it:
Just in case you haven’t received the most recent copy of Stuff Lunatics Argue About Monthly here’s the internet definition of that thing you’ve heard so much about, but haven’t actually seen in real life and you might think I’m talking about Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster or a Big League Baseball game that takes less than two-and-a-half hours, but I’m actually talking about Critical Race Theory.
And if you don’t know precisely what that is, here’s a definition:
“Critical race theory is a cross-disciplinary intellectual and social movement of civil-rights scholars and activists who seek to examine the intersection of race, society, and law in the United States and to challenge mainstream American liberal approaches to racial justice.”
Depending on which internet source you choose to believe, Critical Race Theory is not being taught in K-12 classrooms or maybe it is and here a source that says it definitely isn’t:
And here’s another source that says it kind of is:
Simply admitting that race has something to do with our history makes some people batshit crazy because they prefer we teach our kids about the time Honest Abe Lincoln chopped down a cherry tree or the Midnight Ride of Dwight Eisenhower in which he warned his neighbors that Rock ‘N’ Roll was coming or the time Pecos Bill and Paul Bunyan fought to the last man at the Alamo.
Just in case you want to read more about Critical Race Theory, here’s a pretty good article explaining the situation:
An observant reader once said a great many of my cartoons seemed to be about hypocrisy and he was right; if you’re consistent I might disagree with you, but at least you’re consistent.
But if you say one thing and do another, that’s a Target Rich Environment.
So when a Republican said Critical Race Theory shouldn’t be taught because it was “divisive” it made me wonder exactly when Republicans started worrying about being divisive because it doesn’t seem to bother them all that much when they’re trying to make it harder for Black people to vote or undermining Democratic presidents or calling anyone who disagrees with them a “snowflake.” (Although they may have a point with that last one because Democrats and Liberals will say and do some pretty goofy shit.)
In any case, I thought Republican hypocrisy was worth pointing out in a cartoon.
“No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.”
That was supposedly said by Helmuth von Moltke the Elder, a Prussian field marshal and he was called Moltke the Elder to distinguish him from his nephew Helmuth von Moltke the Younger who started a band called The Troggs (which is short for the Troglodytes, their original name, and so far about the only fact I haven’t made up). The Troggs had a big hit in 1965 with Wild Thing and in this video Helmuth can be seen playing bass and harassing young women in what appears to be a subway station.
BTW: I just watched Major League again and the only two actors who moved like actual ballplayers were Dennis Haysbert (Pedro Cerrano) and of all people, Charlie Sheen (Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn) and supposedly Charlie had an 85 MPH fastball which is very slow for a Big League pitcher, but is throwing really, really hard for regular people and especially if those people are actors, assuming actors are “regular” people and the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard Courtroom Shit Show indicates they’re not.
As much as I love Bull Durham, Tim Robbins pitching motion was horrible and Charlie’s looks legit.
According to at least one internet source, what Helmuth von Molte the Elder originally said was:
“No plan of operations extends with certainty beyond the first encounter with the enemy’s main strength.”
And then someone (and Fred R. Barnard seems a likely candidate) shortened it to:
“No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.”
But then Twitter was invented and it was finally shortened to:
“Shit happens.” (Sad emoji face optional.)
So I kinda think things have not gone exactly as Vladimir Putin planned and let that be a lesson to you if you’re considering invading a country anytime soon. Ya never know, that country might fight back.
So what have we learned today?
Some pictures are worth considerably less than a thousand words.
We should cut out the middle man and start electing political cartoonists to the Oval Office. (I’m pretty sure Mike Keefe is available.)
When you invade a foreign country, bring along a Plan B and you better get one of those before the Republicans make it illegal.
Talk at you soon.