An actual, true story about baseball
Reality is way more interesting than the stuff we make up…
I read a lot so when social distancing shut down our local library I had a problem; I no longer had access to an endless supply of books. So I started looking at the books I’d stashed away on some shelf, thinking someday I’d get around to reading them and now seemed like a pretty good time to give them a try.
One of the books was about baseball and three pages in I had a head-on collision with this paragraph from writer Thomas Wolfe:
“One reason I have always loved baseball is that it has not been merely ‘the great national game’ but really a part of the whole weather of our lives, of the thing that is our own, of the whole fabric, the million memories of America. For example, in the memory of almost every one of us, is there anything that can evoke spring – the first fine days of April – better than the sound of the ball smacking into the pocket of the big mitt, the sound of the bat as it hits the horsehide; for me…almost everything I know about spring is in it—the first leaf, the jonquil, the maple tree, the smell of grass upon your hands and knees, the coming into flower of April.”
This is the kind of baseball writing that makes baseball players think writers are idiots.
Some literary type who probably hasn’t spent all that much time around the game or the people who play it decides to romanticize baseball and the results are usually pretty bad. And the shame of all the poetic crap being written about baseball and sports in general is it ignores reality and reality is way more interesting.
To make my point, here’s an actual, true story about baseball.
The incident
One night I was watching a ballgame on TV and the pitcher for the home team was clearly trying to hit a batter on the visiting team, but not having much success. And instead of looking angry or charging the mound, the batter looked disgusted.
Eventually, after a couple of attempts, the batter got hit by a pitch and took his base.
The next day, the first batter the home team sent to the plate also got hit by a pitch, but it was a curveball.
I thought both incidents were odd and here’s why:
When a pitcher intentionally tries to hit a batter, the batter usually gets pissed off, not disgusted. And when a pitcher wants to retaliate for one of his batters getting hit, he does it with a fastball, not a curve, because getting hit with a fastball hurts more.
I knew a couple people involved, got the behind-the-scenes story and here it is — names have been deleted to protect the guilty.
A baseball insult
If you don’t like profanity in general or the word I’m about to use in particular, my apologies, but to understand the situation you’ve got to hear what set it off. And if you want to hear the truth, the truth is there’s a lot of profanity in baseball.
So strap on your helmet and away we go…
The pitcher and the batter in the initial incident had been teammates in the past and at some point the batter called the pitcher a “pussy” and said the pitcher was afraid to throw his fastball.
I’m guessing the vaginal insult takes no explaining, but the fastball insult does.
There’s a macho thing in baseball that a pitcher with guts isn’t afraid to throw his fastball in a fastball count. Fastball counts are counts where the pitcher needs to throw a strike and because a fastball is relatively straight and easier to control, the fastball is the most likely pitch to be thrown. Think 2-0, 2-1, 3-0, 3-1 and depending on the situation, 3-2.
The only problem with throwing a fastball in a fastball count is hitters suspect it’s coming and gear up to hit it.
For example: in 2019 the Kansas City Royals hit .247 as a team and if you’re thinking that’s not so hot you’re right, 17 teams had a better batting average.
But in 2-0 counts the Royals hit .379, in 2-1 counts it was .352 and in 3-1 counts it was .371. Put the not-so-hot Royals in a fastball count and they hit like they were headed to Cooperstown.
So knowing hitters look for fastballs in fastball counts, smart pitchers might throw something else and when a hitter thinks he’s swinging at a 95-mph fastball and gets an 84-mph curve instead, he can look pretty goofy trying to hit it.
If you watch much baseball you’ve seen hitters strike out and glare back at the pitcher as they head to the dugout. Some of those hitters might be telling the pitcher he should quit being that word some of you don’t like and have the guts to challenge hitters with a fastball in a fastball count.
Which seems about as logical as me saying if I throw a punch at you, you should have the guts not to duck.
Whatever you think of the language and logic, bottom line: the batter on the visiting team had insulted the pitcher on the home team.
Pistols at 10 paces or a fastball in the ribs
At some point the pitcher heard what the batter had said about him and asked the batter why he called him a pussy and said he was afraid to throw his fastball.
The batter said because you are a pussy and you are afraid to throw your fastball.
The pitcher said that’s it; I’m hitting you when you come to the plate tonight.
The batter said OK, but not in the head.
I cannot tell you just how much I love this exchange.
The batter insulted the pitcher, had the guts to repeat the insult to the pitcher’s face and when the pitcher said he was going to hit the batter to avenge the insult, the batter accepted his punishment, but reminded the pitcher not to hit him in the head.
Is baseball great or what?
What happened next
So that night when the pitcher tried to hit the batter and missed, it explains why the batter looked disgusted. The look said: See? You can’t even do this right.
Now let’s skip ahead to the next day.
The batter on the visiting team had been hit, but since the pitcher screwed up and made it obvious he was trying to hit the batter, now a batter on the home team needed to get hit in retaliation.
Here’s the logic.
You can’t have one of your guys hit on purpose and not do anything about it or the rest of the league sees it and then it’s open season on your batters. Throw inside and intimidate those batters so they won’t lean out and hit pitches on the outside corner; their pitchers won’t retaliate.
So to send the message that the pitchers on the visiting team would protect their teammates, some batter on the home team needed to get hit to even things up.
What the visiting-team pitcher did the next day was a brilliant piece of diplomacy; he hit the home team’s first batter, but hit him with a curveball.
That curveball was actually a peace offering.
By hitting the leadoff batter with a curveball (a pitch much slower than a fastball) the pitcher was fulfilling his duty to retaliate, but making it clear he didn’t want to hurt anybody and the feud should be over.
Which it was.
If you pay attention and know what to look for, our National Pastime has more subplots than a daytime soap opera. The way a runner slides, the way an infielder makes a tag and the way an outfielder catches a fly ball tell their own story and it’s a big part of why I love baseball.
And it doesn’t have jackshit to do with jonquils.
Love it when you go back to your "roots". Awesome insights
Is baseball great or what?