Here’s one you might not have heard: according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention your household pets can catch the coronavirus.
According to the American Veterinary Medical Association (hang on, we’ve got at several more “accordings” to go) two cats in the United States have tested positive for the virus.
The virus has also been detected in two dogs and a cat in Hong Kong (sounds like the result of a kinky inter-species three-way and just the kind of thing that would happen in Hong Kong).
According to McClatchy News, eight lions and tigers in the Bronx Zoo tested positive.
And finally, according The News and Observer, a pug named Winston in Chapel Hill, North Carolina tested positive for the virus.
All this brings up a logical question:
How the hell did two cats, eight lions and tigers and a pug named Winston get in front of me in coronavirus testing line?
Even though I’d like to be tested I haven’t and neither has anyone I know because as of yet tests aren’t widely available here in Kansas City, Missouri.
Probably because some parakeet in Poughkeepsie needs to get tested first.
If you’re thinking now might be a good time to put Old Yeller to sleep, turns out they think the risk of a pet giving the coronavirus to a human is low; they think humans are giving it to their pets.
So there’s one more thing for the Animal Kingdom to hold against us.
While tests for animals are available, the CDC recommends that pets only be tested when they’re showing symptoms and since one of the symptoms is losing your sense of smell, if your dog hasn’t sniffed its own butt lately that might be a bad sign.
(OK, actually I made that last symptom up and according to the CDC symptoms in pets are similar to symptoms in humans; they include coughing, runny nose, sneezing, vomiting, diarrhea and unusual sluggishness or laziness which actually sounds like every Sunday I’ve experienced since I discovered alcohol.)
The CDC says people should wear a mask and gloves when dealing with an infected pet, but says: “Animals should not wear a cloth face covering or mask.”
And since our recent behavior has shown a proclivity for moronic behavior, the CDC reinforce their advice by adding: “Do not try to put a cloth face covering on your pet.”
While I’d pay good money to see someone try to put a face mask on a Siamese cat – a breed that for all intents and purposes appears to be possessed by the devil – you’d think we’d be a little smarter than that, but then again decking a Schnauzer out in Personal Protective Equipment seems well within our range of current behavior, which I depict in the cartoon below.
The CDC also says that your pet may need another test in a couple weeks to see if it’s still sick which poses one final question:
Where do I get in line?
Unfortunately those stupid human tricks are rarely fatal and the Darwinian theory is often thwarted by modern medicine and the stupidity persists. I like watching people trying to stay six feet apart, but don’t hesitate to pet someone else’s animal. Hey, you actually kind of took the side of animals over humans in this one! Progress....