Five Learnable Lessons
As you might have already noticed, people feel free to say pretty much anything on social media (and that includes me, so you should feel free to double-check anything you read here) and that Feel-Free-To-Make-Shit-Up social media policy includes the people saying there was no pandemic, vaccines don’t work, Donald Trump won the last election and Elvis is alive and well and working at car wash in Elko, Nevada.
But get those people in a courtroom where they can be charged with perjury for lying under oath and they just might sing a different tune.
For instance:
Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, who had been saying the Sandy Hook school shooting was fake and the grieving parents were actually “crisis actors” found himself in a courtroom where you can get financially penalized and maybe go to jail for lying and decided it was time to admit the Sandy Hook school shooting was:
“100% real.”
Apparently…(and I say “apparently” because I’ve heard it from more than one athlete, but didn’t conduct a study)…some professional athletes use marijuana after games because they’re pumped full of adrenaline, wide awake and rarin’ to go just when everybody else is going to bed and marijuana helps them calm down and go to sleep, which may or may not explain why WNBA player Brittney Griner had vape cartridges containing marijuana concentrate hashish oil when Russian Federal Customs Service searched her luggage.
Once again, I have absolutely no information about Brittney Griner’s possible marijuana use. I’m just saying (according to some professional athletes who I’m pretty sure would rather have their names left out of it) it’s not overly surprising that a professional basketball player would use marijuana.
Griner got sentenced to nine years in prison for something that would be no big deal here in the US of A and now we’re waiting to hear what the Russians want in some kind of prisoner exchange which is what led to the cartoon you see above.
And here’s an article on that if you want to read more about it:
https://www.espn.com/wnba/story/_/id/34346379/brittney-griner-found-guilty-drug-possession-smuggling
So I heard Joe Biden was out of COVID isolation which led to this cartoon about all the problems we’re currently experiencing, but I gotta admit to having mixed feelings about it because even though I drew the cartoon, I also believe people (and that sometimes includes me) tend to think they’ve had it rougher than everybody else and when people say things like, “The country is more divided now than ever before” I tend to think, “Ever heard of the Civil War?”
I also did not feel the need to have eight children to help on my farm because I knew two of them would get eaten by a bear while walking to school and one would die from a minor cut because we didn’t know about tetanus or have a shot for it and another one would be disfigured in a threshing machine accident.
Compared to the past, we have things pretty good all except for Climate Change which we’re clearly not going to address until we’re forced to because I just read an article about Republicans who refuse to admit Climate Change exists, but still want money for their districts when Biblical floods hit Kentucky or it snows in Florida or Alaska catches on fire and I didn’t make at least two of those up.
Now here’s a chart listing states that have wildfires and according to this, there are 17 of them.
https://www.fireweatheravalanche.org/fire/current-list-of-us-wildfires
Not long after it was revealed that the Houston Astros cheated, the COVID pandemic shut down baseball and my friend and former Big League ballplayer Jason Kendall pointed out that the Astros ought to be grateful because the pandemic was a huge distraction from their cheating.
An observation that led me and another friend to speculate that we should start a business called “Scandals-R-Us” and if you got caught doing something you shouldn’t, you’d call us and we’d create a newer and bigger scandal so people would quit focusing on that money you embezzled or the fact that you have three families that didn’t know about each other and I was reminded of that when Nancy Pelosi went to Taiwan and pissed off the Chinese and nobody could figure out why or what she was trying to accomplish.
Maybe it’s a coincidence, but…
After she made that visit there weren’t a lot of stories about her husband’s possibly shady stock purchases because we were too busy focusing on Nancy’s Bull in a China Shop.
If you decide to fly on an airline they have a ton of rules that you have to follow, like showing up three calendar days before departure, getting an exam by a team of proctologists with large hands and stripping down to your BVDs as you go through security and I’m probably kinda sore about it because I’ve lost three really nice Swiss Army Knives when I forgot they were in my carry-on bag and as long as I’m making up scenarios, I’m guessing those knives didn’t go in the trash and at the end of the day the people who work at the airport hold some sort of raffle and divide up all the crap the rest of got confiscated while going through security.
Anyway…
Passengers have tons of rules they have to follow, but the airlines seem to feel like sticking to their schedule and departing on time or departing at all is optional.
So what have we learned today?
If you get in trouble immediately announce you’re going into rehab and wait for somebody else to distract the media with a different scandal.
Compared to the past, things generally aren’t as bad as we think with the exception of Climate Change which will eventually force us to move to the Arctic Circle and conduct some kind of Hunger Games competition to see who gets the last loaf of Wonder Bread.
Brittney Griner is getting screwed and not in a good way.
If you buy an airline ticket you might need to join Gambler’s Anonymous.
And as long as they’re not in a court and facing perjury charges for lying their asses off, people feel free to say pretty much anything they like and it doesn’t have to be true and you can take that from me; Cy Young Award Winner, British Open Champion and Olympic Bronze Medalist in Rhythmic Gymnastics.
I have to post that awesome WBA cartoon.
Also, please consider this my application to work for Scandals R Us.
There's always the Reagan Gambit: "I don't recall."