Getting Your Act Together

Let’s start here: I am acutely aware of how many times a day I screw up and make mistakes and say and/or do things I shouldn’t or fail to say and/or do things I should and I’m also aware that one of my daily screw-ups might be not being aware I just screwed up because in my experience most assholes are unaware they’re assholes which is one of the things that makes them assholes.

Also…“GOD” is “DOG” spelled backwards, so it’s pretty clear I’m a deep thinker; a self-assessment which might in fact be one of my many daily mistakes…your call.

Anyway…

Donald Trump recently said U.S. Jews needed to get their act together and support Israel (and it’s a little unclear what brought that on, although back in 2019 Trump said U.S. Jews who voted for Democrats were being disloyal to Israel) and apparently he also thinks U.S. Jews are insufficiently supportive of him because in his mind he’s done more for Israel than any other U.S. president and he’s surprised that more U.S. Jews don’t appreciate that so, as usual, it’s all about him and he also added that he was incredibly popular in Israel and could easily become that country’s Prime Minister if he wasn’t too busy cheating at golf.

(OK, I added the bit about cheating at golf, but I’m pretty sure it’s still accurate.)

Which made me think it must be great to be so unaware that you think you’re great and everything you do is great and all the other stuff Donald Trump seems to think about himself and if you don’t believe me about how great that must be, here’s a quote from the best movie about baseball ever, Bull Durham, and it’s said by Susan Sarandon’s character, Annie:

“The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.”

Now here’s some rock-solid advice just in case you screw up and someone notices and they don’t think you’re quite as great as you do and decide to investigate you or look into the bullshit you tried to get away with:

You should act outraged and insulted and immediately label the investigation a “witch hunt” and it’s a classic move that Richard Nixon tried when he called the Senate Watergate hearing a “witch hunt” but as I point out in the above cartoon, conducting a witch hunt is not unreasonable, especially when there is in fact a witch.

If someone who flies around on a broomstick builds a gingerbread condo with a yard sign that says, “Free toys inside!” and the village children start disappearing, you might want to organize a witch hunt.

In this case, turns out Trump knew he lost and tried to steal the election and had the balls to call that attempt “Stop the Steal” and it also turns out the Jan.6 Committee would like to talk with Donald about all that once he gets done lying about his latest round of golf.

Back in 1984 a movie starring Dudley Moore and Eddie Murphy came out called Best Defense and it wasn’t very good. After it bombed, Eddie was on some talk show and was being funny about the movie’s lack of success and asked why nobody warned him that the movie was going to suck and added:

“I have friends.”

Which kinda, sorta, gets us to what I want to say about Kanye West.

This is speculation because I’ve never been extremely rich and famous, but I’m guessing one of the few problems with being extremely rich and famous is everybody kissing your ass and nobody having the balls to warn you that the movie you’re about to make sounds horrible or just because you’re a movie star, that doesn’t mean you should make a music album like this one by Burt Reynolds:

Or this one by Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner:

The album titles are unintentionally hilarious because Burt’s is called “Ask Me What I Am” and if you ask what Burt Reynolds was, “a singer” does not immediately leap to mind and if the record company was really giving you The Very Best of Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk you gotta wonder why it had more than one track which, come to think of it, still might have been overdoing it.

And just in case you think I’m being too hard on them, here’s a clip of William Shatner performing Elton John’s Rocket Man and you really don’t want to miss this:

According to Eddie Murphy, some friend of Shatner’s should have said “You’re going to do what?” and warned him not to attempt a singing performance that would somehow combine no actual singing with over-acting and the people who applaud at the end of his performance we’re also doing Shatner no favors because he probably walked away thinking he’d done great and ought to book more “singing” performances.

Anyway…

Kanye West (who now wants to be known as “Ye” and from now you can call me “Ee”) tweeted some anti-Semitic shit which included the phrase “death con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE” and before posting it maybe he should have shown that tweet to a friend who might have warned him that the phrase was actually “DEFCON” and maybe suggested he forget posting it at all, although you gotta wonder if both Ye and Shatner we’re actually trying to be funny or if they’re really that out of touch with reality and I’m voting for Number Two, which considering what they managed to produce, seems appropriate.

Bottom line:

When a friend warns you not go out wearing those shorts or maybe you need to remove about five pounds of makeup, be thankful for that friend because apparently some rich and famous people don’t have any.

BTW: I never had the balls or energy to do it, but more than once I threatened to show up at work with my hair dyed pitch-black and de-friend anyone who didn’t have the nerve to tell me I looked like a goddamned idiot. Turned out I didn’t have to go to all that trouble to de-friend a bunch of people; all I had to do was express my honest opinions about Donald Trump and people who don’t want to get vaccinated during a pandemic.

OK, that’s it for today and I’m about to post this which might turn out to be one of those mistakes I talked about.

We’ll see.

http://kingfeatures.com/comics/editorial-cartoons-a-z/