Is it safe to get a haircut?
Major League Baseball’s most recent proposal might help you decide…
People who are really good at what they do make it look simple and the first thing that comes to mind is fielding a major league grounder.
To prove my point – and that I have way too much time on my hands – let’s do some math.
There are 5,280 feet in a mile. Multiply that by 100 and you get 528,000 feet which is how far a baseball hit 100 mph would travel if it traveled at the same rate of speed for a full hour which it wouldn’t, but quit being so damn picky and let me make my point.
There are sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes in an hour so that works out to 3,600 seconds per hour.
(Bear with me, we’re getting there.)
Now divide the 528,000 feet by the 3,600 seconds and a 100-mph ground ball is traveling approximately 146.7 feet per second. (There’s actually whole bunch of sixes in there before you get to the seven, but close enough for non-government work.)
Now let’s say you’re a third baseman playing even with the bag which is 90 feet away from home plate.
Say “one-thousand one” and that 100-mph ground ball is already about 57 feet past third base into the outfield which is precisely where it would wind up if I was a third baseman and had time to get out of its way.
When we see a third baseman snag a hot grounder and rifle a throw over to first base, we’re actually seeing an incredible feat of athleticism that looks simple because the third baseman spent years working on it.
Which logically enough, brings me to my hair.
How hard could it be?
The other day I looked in the mirror and the guy looking back at me appeared to be Albert Einstein after a bad scare. I haven’t been to a barber since social distancing started and I needed a haircut.
And having learned absolutely nothing from baseball, I thought how hard could it be?
I’ve been watching barbers cut my hair all my life and it seems pretty simple; put your hand on top of your head and cut off any hair sticking up between your fingers.
I figured I could handle the front, the top and the sides and either make a mess out of the back and not worry about it because I’d never see it, or just go Billy Ray Cyrus and let the back grow out, even though I think that’s one of the most hideous hairstyles in the history of hair.
(There have been some bad ones, and yes, I’m thinking of the man bun.)
After spending a few minutes whacking away at the hair on top of my head, I made an incredible discovery…I have a lot of hair. I realized cutting my own hair was going to take way longer and be much harder than I thought, so I gave up and now look like someone attacked the top of my head with a weed whacker.
Two newspaper articles of interest
Barber shops are starting to reopen so if I wanted to, I could now get someone who actually knows what they’re doing to repair the self-inflicted damage to my head.
Then the Kansas City Star ran a couple articles that got me thinking about whether I should do that.
One article was about reopening hair salons and whether or not they would be safe for the stylists and their customers. Short version: salon owners talked about everything they were doing to keep customers safe, while some of the hair stylists said they were terrified to go back to work.
The second article was about Major League Baseball’s proposal to get back on the field and here are some of the highlights:
No exchange of lineup cards at home plate.
No high fives or fist bumps.
Team personnel will be banned from eating at restaurants on road trips.
Showering at the park will be discouraged.
Water jugs, saunas, steam rooms, pools and cryotherapy chambers will be prohibited.
Indoor batting cages will be discouraged.
Batting practice pitchers will wear masks.
Players cannot touch their face to give signs.
Teams are encouraged to hold meetings outside and keep the players spread apart.
Managers and coaches must wear masks in the dugout.
Fielders should stay away from baserunners.
Base coaches should not approach baserunners or umpires.
Players should not socialize with opponents.
The next day’s starting pitcher can’t sit in the dugout.
When traveling, the entire traveling party must wear personal protective equipment while on buses and flights.
Hotel fitness centers are off limits.
Everyone must keep their distance during the “Star Spangled Banner.”
And here’s the one that might be a deal breaker: no spitting.
I cannot help but notice that while the rest of us are being encouraged to jump back into the economy (so what if a few of us peons croak, we’re easily replaced), ballplayers worth millions are being encouraged to keep observing strict social distancing.
Since the rules of behavior are all over the place right now, we’re each going to have to decide for ourselves what feels safe and at least for now I know just what I’m going to do.
Start wearing a hat.
http://kingfeatures.com/comics/editorial-cartoons-a-z/
I'm with you, I have a Chief's hat, a Chief's Super Bowl hat, a Royal's hat and a Royal's World Series hat and that'll do for now. I bought a pair of clippers on line for 50 bucks just in case but won't use them unless it really starts to bug me. For the time being the hats work just fine.