Mask mandates, America's Dad and Deep Throat
Me and God work in mysterious ways...
Like a lot of you I’m willing to do the right thing, assuming someone can tell me what that is.
(OK, now that I write that down in black and white, I realize I’m willing to do the “right thing” in some areas and right now we’re talking about mask mandates so I’d appreciate it if nobody brought up the 10 Commandments because I can only handle about two of them with any chance of long-term success, so let’s get off me coveting my neighbor’s sheep and back to COVID-19.)
Anyway…
I wore a mask when asked to and then, within about 72 hours, read fully-vaccinated people didn’t need to wear a mask anymore, but then a couple days later LA county said fully-vaccinated people should still wear a mask because of the Delta Variant and assuming you believe in God, what kind of Benevolent Deity designs an evolving-virus that keeps mutating so it can kill more people?
Plus, there’s the whole “nipples for men” thing and the fact that hair stops growing on your head just about the same time it starts growing out your ears, which I think even Pope Francis (who appears to be balding) would have to admit indicates bad planning on the part of the Almighty.
I get that we keep learning more about the virus which is why the advice keeps changing, but I’m still going to consider those changes cartoon material.
America’s Dad is set free
Yesterday, I had lunch planned with a former coworker and needed a quick cartoon because I wanted to take my time over lunch (it’s been a while) and I read about Bill Cosby being set free on a technicality. (I just read a column that quibbled with that “technicality” description, but I’m sticking with it because Cosby didn’t get set free because he was innocent.)
The article about Dr. Huxtable reminded me he was called “America’s Dad” which led to the cartoon you see above.
Clearly, the aforementioned God moves in mysterious ways (and I get that it should have been “God and I” in that subtitle at the top, but whom cares?) which kind of assumes God cares more about giving me an easy cartoon concept than people living in Florida condos.
(I tend not to buy into the idea that God is working on my minor problems while letting other people die or starve or go homeless, because that seems to indicate God has ADD and a pretty random sense of values and also indicates I’m incredibly egocentric…which I am…just not in the “I’m Batman and God is my Robin” kind of way. I’d like to think God — if He or She exists — has more important stuff to work on than my lunch schedule.)
Moving on…
The House investigation
So now the House of Representatives wants to investigate the January 6th riot at the Capitol and the Republicans, being poor sports as usual, have decided they don’t want to participate because of the damage that many dogs and ponies will do to the House chambers.
(Let’s take a breather while you work your way through that joke.)
I take a back seat to no man…or woman…or currently undecided…in my disdain for Donald Trump, but I think it’s already pretty clear what happened: Trump told a bunch of mouth-breathing idiots to go “fight like hell” and they did.
Pretty sure we don’t need a committee to figure that out.
A number of people have wondered why Republicans continue to suck up to Donald Trump and I think the answer to that one is also pretty simple and we would do well to remember the wise words of Linda Lovelace when she said:
“Does anybody have some Scope?”
Wait…wrong Deep Throat…it was actually Hal Holbrook who was way better at playing Deep Throat than the actual guy – Mark Felt – and if you just said “Who?” let that be a lesson to you: if you want to be remembered, have a really good actor play you in a movie and as always, my choice to play me is Kurt Russell.
Kurt, have your people call my people.
Barely-related story alert
As you might imagine the Kansas City Royals were pretty happy right after they won the World Series and after they won I approached Mike Moustakas and asked who should play him in the movie and Moose said:
“There’s going to be a movie?”
Me: “Why not? They made a movie out of Moneyball and those guys never won shit.”
Moose: “You’re right…there should be a movie.”
So after I reminded Mike of my original question he thought a minute and said: “Josh Hartnett.”
Long pause: “Or Jack Black.”
I congratulated Moose on have an extremely flexible self-image; he felt he could accurately be portrayed by a 6’3” sex symbol or a 5’6” comedian and if they could somehow splice those two, Moose might have a point.
Back to Deep Throat
So when Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman were trying to figure out what was going on, Hal Holbrook said, “Follow the money” and we’d be wise to do the same.
A number of politicians (and by “number” I mean almost all of them) would get in bed with a pissed off King Cobra if the snake could supply them with money and/or votes and in many cases it’s the same thing. Getting elected gives you access to money and money gives you access to votes so the two go hand-in-hand like a love-struck couple of zombies and I assume that will be a subplot on The Walking Dead if it hasn’t been already.
(I kinda lost interest in TWD after a couple seasons because they had to come up with some pretty strange subplots to keep things going which a lot of TV shows have trouble with and just in case you didn’t know, ”Jump the shark” came from Happy Days when it stayed on the air too long and in a desperate search for interesting plots, they had Fonzie jumping a shark while watering skiing, when I think they would have been way better off having Fonzie bang Mrs. Cunningham because I always thought they had a little thing going and then Mr. Cunningham could have challenged Fonzie to a knife fight and I’m pretty sure America would have rather watched that than Henry Winkler on water skis.)
Anyway…
Republicans think the House investigation will be too partisan and you know how much Republicans hate playing politics.
Also…they say they want to “move on” which I think we should all remember next time we fuck up and someone notices because the police could catch you robbing a liquor store or your significant other could catch you coming in at 3 AM smelling like the liquor store you just robbed and then you could say, “Isn’t it time we move on?” which kinda makes it sound like they’re the ones being assholes.
Moving on…sort of…
As you can see I used the government report on UFOs to comment on another unexplained phenomenon. Lots of people have expressed puzzlement at the Republican party’s continued sucking-up to Donald Trump and as usual a healthy dose of cynicism will get you further down the road to understanding.
According to Bloomberg Opinion, many Republican politicians continue to support Trump because he has a bunch of supporters willing to do things like trying to overthrow the government if he asks them to and they’re hoping Donald will tell his Army of the Unfortunately Undead to vote for the Republicans who do the best job of flying to Florida and kissing his ass on the 18th green of the Mar-A-Lago golf course.
Okey dokey, that’s it for today.
Try not to blow off any fingers on the Fourth of July, if Bill Cosby offers you a drink say no and keep your eye out for new advice on wearing masks because I’m sure you want to do the right thing, assuming someone can tell you what that is.