Michael Not Sonny
Normally—assuming anything I do is normal and as time goes by I have my doubts—I post the week’s cartoons on a Friday or Saturday and write a little bit about each one, but this week I wrote a lot about Jeffrey Epstein, so I broke the cartoon post into two parts and this is Part 2. And if you’re one of those people wishing I’d write about baseball instead; hang in there, I’m working on it.
So Donald Trump posts a video which depicts Barack and Michelle Obama as apes and people who aren’t ignorant racists object.
Next, the White House tries to defend the racist video by saying it was an “internet meme video” (which is a weird defense because there are a lot of internet meme videos that a president shouldn’t repost) and the White House then went on to say criticism of the racist post was “fake outrage.”
Unfortunately for the Real Racists in the White House, the Outrage was also Real and when their first two excuses didn’t work, the White House deleted the video they claimed wasn’t in the least bit offensive and then blamed an unnamed aide for posting it.
So here are their excuses in order:
1. Don’t blame us, blame the internet.
2. You’re not really upset about this.
3. Get off our backs, we took it down.
4. And some guy we’re not going to name is the actual culprit.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Donald Trump “recalls” seeing the first part of the video, but not the part with the Obamas as apes and if you remember All The President’s Men, they called that a “non-denial denial.” Meaning it sounds like a denial, but isn’t.
Saying, “I don’t recall doing that” is not the same as saying, “I didn’t do that.”
So remember that trick next time you get caught doing something you shouldn’t; say you “recall” going out to dinner, but don’t recall then going to a strip club and spending $1,500 on lap dances from a 19-year-old stripper named Bambi, even though you paid $20 extra for a Polaroid with Bambi on your lap and because you drove home hammered, foolishly left that Polaroid on the front seat of your car, where your eight-year-old son found it the next morning, showed it to your wife and asked her:
“Who’s the pretty lady with daddy?”
But if you followed my advice, you didn’t actually say none of that happened, you merely said you don’t “recall” it happening, but if that “I don’t recall” bullshit doesn’t work (and it probably won’t) then accuse your wife of “fake outrage.”
When Trump gets caught doing something fucked up (and he’s had a lot of experience in this area) he’ll claim he really doesn’t know the person or hasn’t read the indictment or watched the video and in this case Trump said “I guess somebody” didn’t pay attention to the entire video clip.
When someone gets unnecessarily vague and uses words like “I guess” and “somebody,” chances are they’re bullshitting and if all this sound advice causes you problems at home, “I guess somebody” listened to the wrong blogger.
And now let’s take a moment and appreciate the juvenile thought process (and if I think someone is juvenile, they’re pretty damn juvenile) which inspired somebody to create a video called “President Trump: King of the Jungle” and depicted Democrats as unflattering characters from The Lion King.
And then, what an immature egomaniac you have to be to think the video’s so cool you repost it.
But this president is so infantile he wrote insulting captions under the pictures of past presidents, which sounds like something an unsupervised 6th grader with emotional problems would do during recess.
I’d say: “Jesus Christ, you’re President of the United States—act like it” but we’re way past that point and, as you may have heard, a zebra can’t change its stripes and on multiple occasions Trump’s Racism shows and this is one of those occasions.
So “I guess somebody” is a racist.
Enjoy Black History Month, everybody.
Speaking of which…
The first panel refers to Trump posting a video depicting Barack and Michelle Obama as apes.
The second panel refers to Trump’s immigration policy and his targeting of the Somali community in Minneapolis.
The third panel refers to Trump heaping insults on Somalia and calling it a shithole country and calling Somali immigrants garbage.
And the final panel is based on the following news story:
Civil rights activist Nekima Levy Armstrong was one of three people arrested in connection with a demonstration that interrupted a church service in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The demonstrators said the pastor of the church works for Immigration and Customs Enforcement, which is kinda like being one of Christ disciples, but helping out the Roman Legion with some posthole digging when they need to crucify someone on a weekend.
As Nekima walked out of the church after being arrested, she looked calmly ahead and here’s that photo:
The White House—apparently thinking they hadn’t been big enough dicks recently—altered and posted the photo and here it is:
When someone asked WTF? (an increasingly common question) a “senior White House official” called it a “meme” and pointed to a post from White House deputy communications director, Kaelan Dorr, that said:
“Enforcement of the law will continue. The memes will continue.”
According to NBC News, the White House has been posting AI-generated photos to spread certain messages and it’s really working because the message I got loud and clear is the people currently in the White House are a bunch of lying assholes.
Good job, Kaelan.
General Attorney Pam Bondi appeared in front of the House Judiciary Committee looking into the Epstein scandal and her performance has been described as “passionate” and “fiery” and “combative” and while we’re at it, here’s one more description:
Pam threw a goddamn tantrum.
Apparently believing the best defense is a good offense, she yelled at Democrats and asked why they weren’t talking about the stock market instead of Trump’s pedophile pal and confused being Attorney General with being the Queen of Hearts (AKA: the Red Queen) and said:
“You sit here and attack the president and I’m not going to have it. I’m not going to put up with it.”
And just in case that reference leaves you wondering: the Red Queen was a character in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and the Queen would shout “Off with their heads!” at the slightest provocation, but Alice ignores her because she realizes the Queen’s power is an illusion within a dream and the same goes for Pam Bondi:
Pam Bondi doesn’t get to decide what House members talk about.
Bluster (AKA: “talking in a loud, aggressive, or indignant way with little effect”) is a sign of weakness and people do it when the facts aren’t on their side and Pam blustered the living shit out of that meeting.
She accused Democrats of using the Epstein files to distract from Trump’s successes even though it was the Republicans who got that ball rolling.
She said she wasn’t “going to get in the gutter” with the Democrats and then called Rep. Jamie Raskin a “washed up loser lawyer—not even a lawyer.”
She refused to answer questions and attacked Democrats with stories about crime in their districts.
She told Rep. Thomas Massie he had “Trump derangement syndrome”—and he’s a Republican.
Bondi’s out-of-control performance inspired the “tantrum” cartoon, which leads us to…
Today’s Lesson
“Michael not Sonny” is a personal mantra of mine and it refers to The Godfather.
Sonny let everyone know what he was thinking, got angry and shouted and because of that, Sonny was easily manipulated and set up to be assassinated.
Michael was quiet and thoughtful so everybody thought he was a wimp until all his enemies died at the same time while Michael was at his nephew’s christening.
People who have their shit together do not bluster and threaten or need praise or credit or post racist videos or insult their enemies or alter photos or blame others for their mistakes or write insulting captions under portraits of past presidents; people who have their shit together just get things done and if they really have their shit together, you don’t even know they did it.
When I explained this philosophy to Chris Getz—former Kansas City Royal and current Chicago White Sox GM—he asked: “Which one are you, Michael or Sonny?”
And I said: “Fredo.”
Have a nice weekend, everybody, and I semi-promise that my next post will be about baseball, assuming I don’t get sidetracked by the Havana nightlife or go fishing on Lake Tahoe.
I'm just waiting for the day when that scum who ruined so many daughters will be suffering.
At least Chris Getz can hold his head up. The team that broke the baseball color barrier is about to go shake the hand of the biggest fucking racist in the western hemisphere.