Our ADD President
According to the people who decide what’s politically correct, but keep changing their minds, ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) is no longer socially acceptable and we should instead say ADHD because apparently the Hyperactivity Lobby wanted to be represented (I’m guessing they’re a fairly energetic set of complainers), but I used ADD anyway, possibly because I suffer from NGAF which is known by you laymen (and laywomen) as Not Giving A Fuck.
NGAF sufferers are a huge demographic so don’t mess with us, although now that I think about it, we probably won’t care if you do and now that we’ve got all that politically correct BS out of the way, let’s move on to today’s topic and I’ll kick things off by saying:
Donald Trump is fucking exhausting.
I once asked a journalist who worked in Washington D.C. but moved to Kansas City early in Trump’s first term if she felt like she was missing out on some great stories and she said no, her former journalism co-workers said trying to keep up with Trump’s non-stop chaos was like being on a treadmill set to 11.
(OK, I’ve never actually been on a treadmill and don’t plan to in the near or distant future, so I’m assuming that 11 is pretty damn high…a lot like one of Spinal Tap’s amplifiers.)
Just in case you don’t remember that scene from the greatest Rock ‘n’ Roll movie ever made, here you go:
Some past presidents believed in “a story a day” – provide the media with a daily story to cover because God knows you don’t want them coming up with stories on their own – but Donald Trump appears to believe in “Six stories before lunch.”
In any case…
I started thinking about all this last week when I read a reference to “The Gulf of America” and thought: “Wasn’t that about 82 emergencies ago?”
There is a theory which I find more compelling with every passing day that Donald Trump doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about anything except attention.
He obviously loves announcing things that require a press conference and makes the media go batshit, but then Trump loses interest almost immediately because buckling down and doing the work necessary to (fill-in-the-blank) is really really boring and once he announces the Gulf of Mexico is going to become the Gulf of America and the media get the vapors and has to be revived with smelling salts and starts producing Gulf of America think pieces that refer to amendments and treaties Trump’s never heard of or cares about, he’s already moved on to invading Greenland.
So then you start worrying about invading Greenland and collecting evidence for an essay about how dumb that idea is, but now he’s talking about making Canada the 51st state.
Damned If You Do, Etc.
But the media (of which I’m still a member…sort of…so as usual I’m part of the problem) still falls for it every time and when Trump announces his good friend The Amazing Kreskin is now Secretary of Defense the media starts researching Kreskin’s qualifications and writing term papers about Kreskin’s unsuitability for the position (possibly because Kreskin died last year, which let’s face it, wouldn’t stop Trump because he’s not a big fan of “facts”) and we give Trump exactly what he craves:
Attention.
The media has been criticized for this knee-jerk reaction to everything Trump says or does, but when the President of the United States says he’s thinking of taking over Gaza and turning it into Branson, Missouri because Yakov Smirnoff has agreed to build a shitty dinner theater and bring his comedy stylings to the Middle East, how can the media ignore it?
Yeah, it’s fucking goofy and will probably never happen, but it’s still news and reporting what the President says is definitely on the Media To-Do List.
Hey, if some people are going to take him seriously and elect Donald Trump President of the Damn United States, the media also has to take him seriously no matter what bizarre plans he announces and then immediately abandons.
Which Doesn’t Mean Trump’s Not Dangerous
According to Poltifact, during his 2024 presidential campaign Trump claimed he built 500 miles of border wall during his first presidency, but turns out he exaggerated (so unlike him) and if you want to be exceedingly generous the number is actually 458 miles of border wall.
And those 458 miles of wall mostly replaced already existing, but dilapidated barriers and if you only count new primary wall systems, the number is just 52 miles and 33 miles of secondary wall systems (whatever the fuck those are).
OK, curiosity – the Number One cause of death in felines – got the better of me and turns out a “secondary border wall” is just what it sounds like; another wall inside the first wall which might lead you to think the first wall didn’t work.
But start thinking and who knows where that’s going to lead and pretty soon you’ll think Bernie Sanders is making some good points and now that marijuana is legal, maybe it’s time to check out what’s available at your local dispensary, but be careful because without naming names one of my brothers ate a bunch of what he thought were gummy candies and turned out they were THC gummies and he didn’t know why he was feeling weird so he wound up at the hospital and they informed him he was suffering from a medical condition known by experts as being “just too damn high” so they put him in a dark room and played a Grateful Dead album and told him he could leave the hospital as soon as he “came down” and the music sounded shitty and repetitive.
Anyway…
Even if you give Trump the benefit of the doubt (which is a huge mistake…just ask Melania) and add those two wall numbers together, after all the Border Wall Hubbub we’re talking about just 83 miles of new wall on a 1,954 mile border and if you want to read all the quibbling from Trump supporters about how to add up the numbers to make him look slightly better, here you go:
So all that talk about a “Big, Beautiful Wall” turned out to be bullshit so why worry about what Trump says because he’ll lose interest almost immediately and I’m pretty sure the answer is:
Because Trump has surrounded himself with some bad people who are dead serious about accomplishing some pretty awful stuff while The Boss is busy selling Teslas on the White House Lawn.
Those Project 2025 people didn’t go anywhere.
A Perfect Example of Trump’s Modus Operandi
Donald Trump posted the following statement on Easter Sunday:
"We are, together, going to make America bigger, better, stronger, wealthier, healthier, and more religious, than it has ever been before!!! DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!"
Since posting that statement on Truth Social do you really believe Donald Trump has spent one split-second thinking about how he can make America more religious than it has ever been before which would take some doing because when America was pretty much nothing but Pilgrims (I’m guessing the Wampanoag Tribe would quibble with that last statement) I’m thinking “America” was pretty damn religious.
Wampanoag Creation Story Digression
According to the ever-informative internet, the Wampanoag called North America Turtle Island because they believed in a creation story about the world being formed on the back of a giant turtle which is of course a silly fantasy only ignorant savages would create or believe.
Those of us a just little more advanced on the Evolutionary Timeline with a solid background in science realize the world was actually formed by a guy with a long white beard and a speaking voice remarkably similar to Morgan Freeman’s and He did it in just seven days and then couldn’t stop fucking around with what He created and handed out an increasingly bizarre set of rules which for some reason seemed to reflect the desires of the men God gave them to, like First Timothy 2:11-12:
“Let a woman learn in silence with full submission. I permit no woman to teach or have authority over a man; she is to keep silent.”
Going out on a limb here, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Mr. First Timothy was having trouble at home and Mrs. First Timothy was Hell on Wheels so Mr. First Timothy did one of those “I was talking to God privately and here’s what He told me to tell you” kinda deals and my immediate reaction to those Third-Party Messages from God is: “Why did He tell you what I’m supposed to do, why not tell me Himself? I’m right here.”
And now that we’ve firmly established that I’m going to Hell:
Here’s a link to a Newsweek story about Trump’s statement about religion, but be warned, I had to fight my way through four pop-ads to see the story which is why I hate reading stuff on-line and prefer paper and ink because when I’m reading a newspaper nobody jerks it out of my hand and asks me for a donation or tries to sell me window treatments or Delta faucets or, if I click on the X to get rid of the ad so I can see the damn story, asks “why this ad?” and immediately puts up another ad in the same place:
https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-vows-make-america-more-religious-ever-before-2061904
BTW: While looking for a suitable Trump/Bible photo I came across a story that said Trump sold his “God Bless the USA” Bibles for $59.99 and those ultra-patriotic Bibles were printed in China.
That’s how seriously Donald Trump takes his own bullshit; making America more religious is just another opportunity to make money and if it’s cheaper to get his Bibles printed in a Godless country with unfair trade practices, so be it.
Today’s Lesson
Donald Trump doesn’t always take the things he says seriously, but some scary people around him do, if someone tells you God has a message for you I’d say give them your cell number and invite God to call you directly except if She’s God, She already knows your number and don’t eat someone else’s gummies without asking unless you’re really want to hear a two hour, 15 minute version of Truckin’.
I needed a great laugh this AM & maybe some of those gummies! Hilarious & to the point. Rob Reiner is fun to watch anytime!