Simone Biles; the Twisties, the Thing and Writer’s Block

Plus the inside story on the 2014 Wild Card Game…

As you might already know Olympic gymnast Simone Biles withdrew from the all-around competition at the Tokyo Olympics to “focus on her mental health.”

Which sounds fairly vague and could mean a lot of things and is the exact same excuse I use to explain my alcohol consumption, but according to several sources, Simone has the “twisties” which sounds like some sort of intestinal blockage, but isn’t.

In gymnast slang the “twisties” refer to a mental block and the loss of confidence that gymnasts need to pull off some of their dangerous aerial maneuvers.

The “twisties” (apparently the slang comes from “twisting” maneuvers) can mess with a gymnast’s “air sense” which means knowing where they are in relation to the ground when they’re higher than a Grateful Dead fan, upside down and spinning and need to know exactly where the floor is and what they have to do make sure they land on their feet and not their head.

As an article by an ex-gymnast pointed out, missing the target by half-an-inch on a four-inch wide balance beam can have devastating consequences. In gymnastics, the “twisties” are not only embarrassing, they’re dangerous.  

Up until I read about Simone Biles I didn’t know about the “twisties,” but was well acquainted with the “thing.”

The “thing” is not a monster movie…it’s much worse

In baseball the “thing” is the inability to throw a baseball accurately and it’s caused by thinking about an act that should come naturally.

Players with the “thing” think too much and start worrying about their feet and arm slots and release points and how embarrassing it will be to miss the first baseman and hit a handicapped child standing in line to get a hotdog.

Which reminds me…

I was in Minnesota watching a Minneapolis Loons game and went to get a hotdog and standing in front of me was Juan Berenguer – former pitcher for the Minnesota Twins – wearing his Loons uniform and waiting to get a hotdog because when you’re in the Independent Leagues you have to do that kind of stuff for yourself and it made me want to ask Juan:

“So you didn’t save any of the money?”

But I didn’t ask that because maybe he was still playing for the Love of the Game or the Love of Hotdogs. Also; I was about 98.7 percent certain that despite no longer being a Big Leaguer, Juan could still beat the living shit out of me.

If you ever watched Bull Durham (and if you haven’t you should rectify that personal flaw as soon as humanly possible) Crash Davis intentionally gives Nuke LaLoosh the “thing” when he dares Nuke to hit him in the chest with a baseball and then starts working on what little brain Nuke possesses and points out how embarrassing it will be to miss, which Nuke does immediately when he misses Crash and throws the baseball through a nearby window.

The “thing” is a serious problem and has seriously screwed up some baseball careers; catcher Mackey Sasser couldn’t throw the ball back to the pitcher (which really tends to slow down a baseball game), infielders Steve Sax and Chuck Knoblauch had a hard time throwing to first base and pitcher Rick Ankiel became an outfielder when he developed the “thing” when throwing from the pitcher’s mound.

The “thing” is considered contagious and players with the “thing” need to practice their throwing to get over it, but have a hard time finding anyone willing to play catch with them because once they launch a couple balls straight down or over their buddy’s head, their buddy will start thinking about the “thing” and might catch it.

If you ever want to make sure a player never talks to you again…and several decent candidates come to mind…just ask him if he has the “thing.” Just mentioning the “thing” puts it in the player’s head and he won’t appreciate it and might even take a swing at you, so if you’re going to pull this trick make sure you do it to a Major Leaguer so you can sue him for half his money because if you do it to someone in the Independent Leagues you might go to court and win a Lifetime Supply of hotdogs at Minneapolis Loons games.

IMNSHO (In My Not So Humble Opinion) pitchers appear to be particularly susceptible to the “thing” when throwing from any place but a pitcher’s mound and my guess is that’s because they throw a kajillion-and-a-half pitches from 60 feet, six inches so throwing from any other distance or flat surface feels weird.

This explains all the pitchers who catch a come-backer to the mound and then run 2/3s of the way to first base before flipping the ball underhand to the first baseman.

The 2014 Wild Card Game

I wrote about this at the time, so it’s been out there for seven years and if you missed it back then that’s on you, but just in case you didn’t catch it the first time:

Before the 2014 Wild Card Game against the Oakland A’s, Kansas City Royals coach Rusty Kuntz revealed that A’s starting pitcher Jon Lester was reluctant to attempt pickoffs (Lester hadn’t picked off anybody in three years) which led Rusty to believe Lester had the “thing” when throwing to bases.

In the first inning with Eric Hosmer on third base and Billy Butler on first base the Royals wanted to take advantage of Lester’s throwing problems so Billy was supposed to take off for second base while Lester still had the ball on the mound and the idea was Lester would panic and throw the ball into centerfield.

Didn’t turn out that way.

Billy failed to run hard which gave Lester time to run toward second base and make an easy toss instead of a panicked throw and when Hosmer broke for the plate he was thrown out and there are several lessons here:

1. Don’t ask a guy who doesn’t run the bases well to do something out of the ordinary because he’s probably going to fuck it up…

2. Don’t think you know what’s going on because the announcers said Billy “wandered” off first base like an early-onset Alzheimer’s victim and writers later called the play “bizarre” when there was an actual good idea behind it, the execution was just screwed up. And…

3. Don’t forget what happened in the early innings and focus solely on what happens at the end of a game because things that happen in the first inning affect things that happen in the 12th inning.

It was still one of the biggest plays in the game and helped the Royals win because A’s catcher Geovany Soto hurt his left thumb while tagging Hosmer and was replaced by Derek Norris and after that the Royals stole seven bases.

In 2014 Soto threw out 43% of the guys who tried to steal a base and Norris threw out 17% so Norris replacing Soto was like a huge green light telling the Royals they could run like crazy, which they did, but afterwards hardly anybody connected the “bizarre” play to the Royals win.

Now try to work that story into your next conversation and I think you’ll be amazed by the number of people who really don’t give a shit.

Me and writer’s block

So…

It turns out mental blocks affect all kinds of people in all kinds of sports (google “putting yips” and you’ll get a bazillion articles), but writing this article reminded me of “writer’s block” which is what happens when you overthink what should come naturally.

I wrote for newspapers for years and newspapers have a certain kind of writing they like and it doesn’t include jokes, barely-related anecdotes about Juan Berenguer or the occasional F-bomb.

One of the pleasures of writing without an editor is writing what comes naturally and if that means putting up with the occasional typo or illogical conclusion, I’m OK with that and you need to be if you want to keep reading because I don’t plan on fixing those flaws any time soon.

But after so much time spent “free-range writing” I now find it difficult to write for anybody that has “standards” and I used to have a similar problem when dating, so it’s not the first time and I survived that dilemma so I feel confident I can find someone with low standards which I have and it turns out to be me.

Allow me to explain:

I was originally going to write this Simone Biles “twisties” piece for the Kansas City Star, but developed a case of “writer’s block” which meant I was overthinking every word and as soon as I said screw it, write it for this blog or website or cry for help (you decide) the words started to flow again.

So here’s today’s lesson:

Try not to think too much before you do something which is really great advice for gymnasts, ballplayers, writers or curious people who wonder what prison is like. And now I’ll leave you with two quotes from Bull Durham that seem appropriate:

“Don’t think. It can only hurt the ballclub.”

And…

“The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.”

Have a good weekend…but try not to think too much about having one.