The 10 Traits of A Sociopath
A subjective analysis by an unqualified amateur...
Google “what are the traits of a sociopath” and you’ll be directed to a series of articles and one of those articles is from WebMD and it explains that “sociopath” is an outdated term that should no longer be used and the modern, politically correct term for someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder is now:
“Elon Musk.”
OK, obviously I exaggerated and made that up and the politically correct term is actually:
“Department of Government Efficiency member.”
Once again I’m exaggerating (you’ll get used to it) but before we move on – and I am not making this up even though it sounds like I am – one of the members of DOGE is 19-year-old Edward Coristine who has a “hacker” background and is known online as “Big Balls.”
And “Big Balls” sounds like just the person to make wise decisions about our future and here’s an article from Newsweek about “Big Balls” just in case you don’t believe me and the way things are going these days, I wouldn’t either:
https://www.newsweek.com/who-big-balls-teen-doge-engineer-edward-coristine-2027698
In any case…
There are “people” (and I’m using that term loosely) who pride themselves on their ruthlessness and willingness to sacrifice others to get what they want because they think it shows they’re superior, rational beings and the rest of us are just overly-emotional and sentimental meat puppets.
On the other hand, I can’t help but notice those superior, rational beings are only indifferent to your suffering; their suffering is an entirely different matter.
And if you don’t believe me, just read the stuff Elon Musk and Donald Trump complain about on social media and I’d call both of them “whiney little bitches” if I was the kind of unevolved person who still used the word “bitches.”
But thank God I’ve matured and grown older and wiser so now I’ll just call them “whiney little assholes” which as far as I know is still OK although I haven’t received my most recent copy of Politically Correct Monthly and those whiney little bitches keep changing the rules on us.
Now let’s move on to the “The 10 Traits of a Sociopath” which I got off the internet (and if that makes you uncomfortable, from here on in feel free to think of it as “The 10 Traits of a Differently Abled Person with Some Degree of Antisocial Personality Disorder Which We Shouldn’t Hold Against Them” ) and see if any of these sound familiar:
1. Lack of empathy: Inability to understand or share the feelings of others.
OK, so far Elon Musk is batting 1.000.
2. Manipulation: Using charm, deception or threats to control others for personal gain.
Elon is now three-for-four because while he’s got “deception” and “threats” covered, if he’s ever demonstrated “charm” it has somehow escaped me.
But like everything else in this essay, that’s just a personal opinion and clearly a lot of people think Elon’s charming, but they’re the same people who think waving around a chainsaw is hilarious because Elon’s “cutting bureaucracy” (Get it?...Do you get it?...He’s cutting bureaucracy?) and can’t wait to give him more money because they’ve heard rumors Elon’s down in his basement building an affordable time machine although odds are good Elon is the one who started the rumor.
Quick joke:
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“To get the fuck away from Elon Musk fans.”
3. Impulsivity: Acting without considering consequences, making rash decisions.
According to the following story from Reuters, federal employees responsible for our nuclear weapons, scientists fighting the bird flu outbreak and officials supplying us with electricity were fired by DOGE and then had to be rehired, so do the math and Elon’s now four-for-five on my scorecard and batting .800 in the “Are You A Sociopath?” sweepstakes.
4. Lying and deceit: Frequently lying to achieve personal goals.
A minimal amount of research (which is the exact amount I did) shows that Elon Musk has lied about a number of his accomplishments and the fact that so many media members repeat those lies without doing their homework says as much about them as it does about Elon Musk.
Now here’s an article about Elon “misleading” the public about government spending and one of his lies was about preventing the government from spending $50 million on condoms in Gaza which was totally fabricated and also made Gaza sound like a lot more fun that it probably is and when Elon got challenged about it, he said “some of the things I say will be incorrect, and should be corrected” and then immediately told another lie about the government spending $50 million on condoms in Mozambique:
https://www.cnn.com/2025/02/23/politics/government-spending-elon-musk-doge/index.html
When a liar gets caught lying don’t be surprised if he lies about it.
5. Aggression and hostility: Prone to angry outbursts and violent behavior.
According to (and here let’s go with “everybody”) Elon loses his shit on a regular basis and thinks nothing of yelling at and abusing employees and has claimed that as a youth he got in street fights and once knocked someone out with one punch, but he also claims to have a grappling move he calls “The Walrus” which is basically being a fat ass and lying on top of somebody until they submit which sounds like complete bullshit, but we’d have to ask Elon’s sexual partners to know for sure.
6. No Remorse or guilt: Feeling no regret for harmful actions.
And…
7. Disregard for social norms: Violating laws and social boundaries without concern.
I put those two together because I have one example that covers them both and it comes from ProPublica and their story about the Las Vegas Convention Center Loop that The Boring Company is theoretically building.
And in this case the part that should both interest and horrify you is Elon arguing that environmental regulations are stupid and a waste of time and he shouldn’t have to get permission to do stuff, it would be much more efficient to just go ahead and do whatever the hell he wants to do whenever he wants to do it and then pay fines when he fucks up.
A policy that makes a lot more sense when you (at least in theory) have $364.3 billion in your passbook savings account; the rest of us need to follow the rules.
https://www.propublica.org/article/elon-musk-boring-company-las-vegas-loop-oversight
8. Superficial relationships: Difficulty forming deep, meaningful connections.
According to Vanity Fair, Elon has had 13 children with four different women which should speak for itself because I’ve got just three kids and in a fit of creativity and affection decided to have their birthdates tattooed on my arm in Roman Numerals as a sign of our deep, meaningful connection, but one of my irritatingly perceptive sons said:
“You did that so you wouldn’t forget our birthdays, didn’t you?”
Which is only irritating because it’s 100% true and now I can’t remember what the Roman Numerals stand for.
If I had 13 kids I wouldn’t be able to remember all their names or which one needed to be picked up from soccer practice or the one with a nut allergy (so I’d get down to 11 kids pretty quickly) and paying attention to just three kids can make you feel like you’re spinning plates on the Ed Sullivan Show and juggling chainsaws during the commercial breaks.
In my personal opinion there’s just no way Elon has deep, meaningful connections with all 13 kids and he apparently gave up on thinking of human names and labeled one of them with letters and symbols that my laptop won’t reproduce, but according to the internet is pronounced “X Ash A 12” which I’m sure will go over big with the other kids on the playground when they’re picking teams for a game of kickball.
BTW:
Just another personal opinion (aren’t they all) but parents who stick kids with “cool” names that the kid has to live with for the rest of his or her life are being self-centered, with the possible exception of my all-time favorite ballplayer name “Motorboat Jones” who is a real guy (look him up on Baseball Reference) and if any of you choose to name a kid “Motorboat” I for one am willing to forgive you.
https://www.vanityfair.com/style/story/all-elon-musk-children-and-mothers?s
9. Self-centeredness: Prioritizing personal needs above others.
Or at least above the 30,000 government workers whose lives have been already destroyed.
10. Difficulty controlling anger: Easily frustrated and prone to outbursts.
Someone should show this essay to Elon and see how he takes it.
As the highly irritating and perceptive son that I clearly should have named “Motorboat Judge” recently pointed out, Elon Musk has more money than anybody in the entire world and can do anything he wants, all day every day, but what Elon chooses to do is obsess about social media and what people are saying about him.
If I had $364.3 billion and someone wrote something snotty about me on the internet, you’d have to charter a plane, fly to my private island, climb the gates of my heavily fortified compound, get through my team of security guards and the crowds of famous people I paid to hang out with me to tell me about the snotty social media story and my reaction would be pretty much the same as it is now:
“Why would I give a fuck what someone I don’t know and wouldn’t like if I ever met has to say about me?”
And then me and Meryl Streep and Dave Chappelle and Elmore Leonard would go back to our game of Beer Pong even though Elmore’s dead, but with $364.3 billion to work with I’m pretty sure I could afford an AI-generated facsimile.
Today’s Lesson
Despite my bad example, stop using the term “sociopath” because it’s politically incorrect, don’t name your kid after a rocket fuel formula and finally, the internet advises that if you suspect someone of being a “sociopath” seek the help of a mental health professional, but do it quickly because if they work at the VA Elon Musk is probably about to fire them.
Two Oval sociopaths share additional malignant, dark-hearted trait — a palpably odd, arrested development. Each is stuck inside their respective deep wells of self-concern, delusion and victimhood and read as deceptive, noxious, unfulfilled children. This, paired with each freak-boy’s deep-seated pathology for chronic lie spew, we’re treated hourly to a kind of wincing disbelief and held as stunned hostages. A toxic verdict on the American people. Embarrassed to be here for the world is aghast at us. We did this.
And then there’s Karoline Leavitt. Like maggots generating from matter decaying, they multiply and the rot emanates outward.
I like your use of the term “whiney little assholes” because it is egalitarian and can apply to all of us. We all have assholes. We'd die if we didn't, or we'd have to use some other hole to get rid of all the shit. Or drill a hole somewhere...oh no now I've opened up a whole new can of shitty worms.