The Empty Threat

An essay about practical jokes, literal thinking and antisemitism...

Despite my family name I do not have a law degree, although as a kid I remember thinking it would be funny to go to law school and become a lawyer and eventually become a judge so every time I came into a courtroom they’d have to announce:

“Now presiding, Judge Judge.”

But even as a kid I realized that would be way too much work for a lame joke that would be funny for maybe a couple days at most and if I wanted to make people laugh on a long-term basis it would be lot easier to learn to draw people with big noses. 

Clearly, I went with Plan B.

Timeout for a Practical Joke Story

That story about getting a law degree so I could pull off a lame joke reminds me that baseball players love practical jokes because they get bored out of their minds while playing a season that lasts Forever And a Day and will go to incredible lengths to pull one off which made me remember this one:

When I was covering the Kansas City Royals, Jeff Francoeur was one of my favorite ballplayers to talk to and when he was playing for the El Paso Chihuahuas in the minor leagues his teammates managed to convince him that one of the team’s relievers was deaf so Frenchy spent a couple weeks trying to communicate with the guy by hand gestures, talking loudly and over-enunciating words like:

“WAY TO GO!”

Here are those teammates talking about what it took to pull it off and everybody – including coaches, trainers, the guy’s wife and a random waitress – was in on it:

His teammates keep calling Frenchy an idiot – which like most of us, he can be – but Jeff’s also one of the nicest guys in baseball and whenever they brought one of those Make-A-Wish-Type kids out to the field, Jeff would be the first one to play catch or run the bases with them and he’s such a good dude he had cheering sections in opposing ballparks because he’d buy popcorn and pizza for people who booed him, so it’s just like Frenchy to go out of his way to communicate with his “deaf” teammate.

Still: an awesome prank and they couldn’t have picked a better victim.

In Any Case…

The judge in Donald Trump’s Hush Money Trial, imposed a gag order which barred Trump from attacking witnesses and others involved in the case, but because Trump doesn’t think the rules apply to him (and so far, Life hasn’t done all that much to prove him wrong) he violated the gag order nine times, so the judge fined him $1,000 for each violation which didn’t stop Trump from violating it a tenth time.

Then, having learned absolutely nothing from past mistakes and $10,000 worth of fines, Trump audibly cursed and shook his head while porn star Stormy Daniels testified, so it sounds like trying to control a four-year-old with an extreme case of ADD who just ate a bag of Skittles and chugged a 4-pack of Red Bull.

Trump’s lawyers have said they’ll try to control him, which, if what’s happened so far is any indication, may require a ball gag and tranquilizer darts. 

Passing Up A Chance at Judicial Immortality

After the Stormy Daniels incident, the judge warned Trump yet again, but apparently doesn’t want to be the first judge to send a former president to jail, which I think is the totally wrong attitude and here’s why:

1. Ralph Branca

2. Tracy Stallard

3. Al Downing

If those names sound oddly familiar, but you’re not sure why, that’s because they’re:

1. The pitcher who gave up Bobby Thompson’s “The Giants win the pennant!” home run.

2. The pitcher who gave up Roger Maris’s 61^st home run.

3. The pitcher who gave up Hank Aaron’s 715^th home run.

I didn’t have to look those names up because those guys became famous for being linked to something somebody else did and I believe Tracy Stallard had the right idea and here’s what he had to say about giving up that home run to Roger Maris:

“I’m glad he did it off me. Otherwise, I would never have been thought of again. That was about all I did, and I’ve had a good time with it.”

The judge keeps passing up opportunity after opportunity to put his name in the history books and be an answer on Jeopardy 50 years from now when the host reads one of those cards and it says: “The first judge to jail an ex-president” and the answer in the form of a question is:

“Who is Juan Merchan?”

During her testimony about their sexual encounter Stormy Daniels said she spanked a “rude, arrogant and pompous” Trump “right on the butt” with one of his own magazines and after that Trump “was much more polite” and even though she didn’t go to law school it turns out a porn star has a much better idea of how to control Donald Trump than the judge, although if the judge decided he wanted to try the Stormy Daniels approach to discipline, I’m guessing at least half of America would think it was about time. 

The following article is from CNN and it does a pretty decent job of explaining what’s currently going on with the Republicans in Congress.

Short version for those of you who won’t read it:

However inconvenient some people find it, a democracy is based on the idea that everyone gets a vote and nobody gets everything they want and having to compromise with people we disagree with prevents us from going overboard and doing something crazy like invading Saskatchewan or making our national anthem Sweet Caroline, although, now that I think about it, that song is much easier to sing so maybe we ought to consider it.

Anyway…

In a democracy, you compromise and then move forward together unless you’re an Extremist who got elected by promising to Never Ever Never Ever Compromise About Anything, which – even though it dicks up America’s ability to get things done – doesn’t bother those Extremists one bit.

If all you care about is getting reelected and you don’t care about getting anything accomplished, go ahead and throw a temper tantrum every time someone decides to compromise, which brings us to Marjorie Taylor Greene and her attempts to cost House Speaker Mike Johnson his job for the heinous crime – brace yourself – of working with the Democrats.

Now here’s the CNN paragraph that matters:

Johnson’s problem is a more extreme version of one that has dogged Republican speakers for years. A strong but small group of right-wing Republicans elected on absolutist platforms in deep-red districts comes to Washington with an expansive agenda and adamant they won’t compromise with Democrats. But they lack the power or numbers to force their will apart from in the rare phases when Republicans have a monopoly on Washington power. The frustrated extremists then turn on GOP leaders and accuse them of becoming traitors – simply because they live in the land of political reality.

https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/17/politics/mike-johnson-foreign-aid-analysis/index.html

Literally Inaccurate

English comedian Jimmy Carr does some extremely politically-incorrect material and in his latest Netflix standup special, says people sometimes complain and then he’ll apologize profusely and if they say they don’t think his apologies are sincere (probably because they’re not) he’ll say, so you think I could stand up on stage and say things I don’t really mean?

“Now you’re getting it!”

Which is a point worth thinking about.

Comedians (and cartoonists) sometimes exaggerate to make a point, but pissed off critics who can’t find anything else to complain about will insist that you mean everything literally which in the above cartoon means I’m suggesting that the Republicans follow Kristi Noem’s example and shoot Marjorie Taylor Greene.

But if you think the cartoon is literal that also means you think there’s an elephant walking around, wearing clothes, a MAGA hat and carrying a shotgun because you don’t get to say this part of the cartoon is literal, but the rest is clearly exaggeration, metaphors and symbolism.

And we know there is no elephant walking around, wearing clothes, a MAGA hat and carrying a shotgun, because if there were Donald Trump would have already picked him as a running mate.

I use this blog to explain my thought process (and possible lack of one) when creating cartoons and while I’ll continue to draw cartoons about it I’ve already said pretty much everything I have to say on this subject – at least for now – in a previous post so if you want to read about that, here’s a link:

https://leejudge.substack.com/p/this-weeks-cartoons-part-2

According to an article in the Los Angeles Times, 24 conservative states have passed restrictions on treatment for transgender youth which bar teens and their parents from obtaining puberty blockers and other hormones prescribed by doctors.

Because while government has absolutely no business telling you how many assault weapons you can own or how much you can pollute the environment or how shitty you’re allowed to treat minority employees and random females, if you’re questioning your own sexuality or whether to terminate a pregnancy, government is suddenly a really good thing and should dictate those personal choices for you.

Many of those state laws have been blocked temporarily by judges and the U.S. Supreme Court may soon decide if it wants to get involved, but considering their decision on abortion rights, that might not go the way some people hope. 

Also…

State legislators who claim to be worried about the safety and effectiveness of hormone treatments are happy to have the same kid buy an AR-15, and now that I write that down it needs to be turned into a cartoon and I probably ought to get started on it ASAP.

Have a nice weekend and I’ll leave you with something to ponder: when Donald Trump doesn’t listen to the judge, do you think he’s only pretending to be deaf?

http://kingfeatures.com/comics/editorial-cartoons-a-z/