The Greatest President in History

When it comes to providing top-notch political cartoon material…

As I believe I may have mentioned several times before (which is a safe bet because at my age I’ve mentioned everything several times before) to do our jobs effectively political cartoonists require incompetent, unattractive politicians with short names.

That’s because long names won’t fit on labels and good-looking people tend to have hard-to-ridicule classic features and competency means the politicians don’t fuck up nearly as often we need them to, which in my case is at least five times a week.

It’s also handy if their fuck-ups are easily understood and obvious because drawing about Bill Clinton repealing the Glass-Steagall Act – which led to banks collapsing and a giant financial crisis – is complicated and makes for complex and hard-to-comprehend cartoons, while Trump appointing a possible sex offender to be Attorney General is a cartooning slam dunk.

As you may have already heard Matt Gaetz has decided he was getting waaay too much attention and withdrew his nomination for Attorney General because he didn’t want to have to keep dealing with rumors that he paid an under-aged girl to have sex with him on an air hockey table.

Gaetz said he withdrew because he didn’t want to be a “distraction” which is total bullshit, because part of the Trump Playbook is offering the public nothing but distractions: so many outrageous decisions and statements that we don’t have time to dissect one before he’s done something else and then we’re off in a new direction.

(Richard Nixon might have survived Watergate if Tricky Dick only had the political foresight to also bang a porn star and pay her not to talk about it, which would have made Oval Office secret tape recordings seem boring.)

Trump’s commitment to offering a constant stream of outrageous indiscretions, irresponsible actions and unsuitable Cabinet nominations is why I continue to say, when it comes to providing top-notch cartoon material, Donald Trump is without a doubt:

THE GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY.

Hey, it definitely sucks for the rest of you, but for us cartoonists, stand-up comedians and late night talk show hosts, Christmas came early.

Not naming names, but unlike some of our past departing presidents, Joe Biden promised a “smooth transition” to the next administration and doesn’t plan on stirring up a bunch of batshit crazy followers and trying to overthrow the government so he can stay in power.

That promise, combined with this photo of Donald Trump…

Led to the cartoon that suggests Trump’s going to “smoothly transition” into a damn Nazi and we’ll have quite a bit more about Trump’s connection to Germany before we’re through.

For a guy who claims to be a patriot and lover of America (which he occasionally demonstrates by dry-humping a flag)…

Donald Trump doesn’t seem to like a lot of American institutions like elections or the media or welcoming the wretched refuse to our shores and if you were a petty jerk who wanted to get back at all the institutions that pissed you off in the past by doing things like saying there was a pandemic while you were saying there wasn’t, maybe you’d appoint RFK Jr. to be in charge of Health and Human Services.

Semi-recently Donald Trump confirmed that he planned to declare a national emergency and use the military to conduct mass deportations of immigrants who do not have legal residency status.

In a very big nutshell: someone can come to the U.S. and seek asylum and roam around free until their court date comes due and Trump’s idea is to round all those people up and put them in camps and if this is starting to sound kinda familiar we’re on the same wavelength.

And now a word about immigrants.

According to the internet, the Statue of Liberty’s torch symbolizes:

Enlightenment (the idea that societies can progress and overcome ignorance by embracing knowledge and freedom) hope and opportunity (a beacon of light that welcomes people to the United States) and the path to freedom (the light reveal the path to Liberty).

So you can see why Donald Trump is climbing the Statue’s arm carrying a fire extinguisher.

Also according to the internet, in 1885 Friedrich Trump – Donald Trump’s grandfather –immigrated to the United States from Bavaria at the age of 16 because he was avoiding compulsory military service in Germany, so the draft-dodging gene doesn’t fall far from the Family Tree.

The following article says Friedrich was an illegal immigrant, but the U.S. didn’t care at the time because German immigrants were considered highly desirable until Germany began to cause problems and start wars and make the Horst Wessel Song climb the charts with several bullets and once being German became unpopular, the Trumps started claiming they were actually from Sweden.

According to the following article, none of Trump’s grandparents and only one of his parents was born in the U.S. or spoke English as their original language and two of Trump’s three wives are naturalized citizens and one came from the Czech Republic and one came from Slovenia and the bottom line is Trump’s the last guy who should be complaining about immigrants.

Although…

He got divorced from one of his immigrant wives and the other one can’t seem to stand him so maybe that explains his attitude.

https://www.cnn.com/2016/11/22/politics/trump-grandfather-germany-friedrich/index.html

Full disclosure: My great grandfather, Hugh Judge, emigrated from Ireland sometime in the 1880s and that’s all I know about him for sure, but if Hugh’s descendants are any indication I have great faith that Hugh got up to some hijinks in Ireland that made getting the hell out of town a desirable alternative.

https://www.history.com/news/donald-trump-father-mother-ancestry

I don’t know where you draw the line or who you let in or who you keep out, but I do know what made America great and that’s immigrants. (Unless you’re an American Indian and then you probably regret showing those undocumented immigrants how to plant corn and make it through a New England winter.)

Anyway…

Back when we thought it was highly entertaining to turn on the Ed Sullivan Show and watch dog acts that featured canines jumping through hoops and climbing ladders and spinning plates on sticks (I may have my Ed Sullivan acts confused) I couldn’t help but notice the dogs looked like mutts and that’s because generally speaking — although owners of purebreds might disagree — mutts are smarter than purebred dogs and tend to be healthier and have fewer problems and if you don’t believe me, take a good look at Britain’s Royal Family.

https://csef.usc.edu/History/2013/Projects/S1296.pdf

I started to write a riff about immigrants and what they’ve brought to America, but it began to sound familiar and that’s because I’ve said it before in 2021 and if you want some reasons to appreciate what immigrants have brought to America, here you go:

https://leejudge.substack.com/p/a-somewhat-complicated-thanksgiving-31e

Those of us hoping not to die in a Nuclear Holocaust recently got two pieces of bad news:

In a major shift in policy, lame-duck President Joe Biden gave Ukraine permission to shoot U.S.-made missiles into Russia while on the same day Vladimir Putin said he was lowering the threshold for using nuclear weapons, so do the math and we’ve got a guy who isn’t sure what day it is playing chicken with a former KGB officer and we’re all along for the ride.

Today’s Lesson

Don’t play chicken with someone who’s got one foot in the grave and the other one on a banana peel because they don’t have much to lose, if you get caught doing something bad, immediately do something worse because that will serve as a distraction and every once in a while have sex with an immigrant so you don’t wind up looking like this.

Have a nice weekend.

http://kingfeatures.com/comics/editorial-cartoons-a-z/