The Not-So-Great Replacement Theory
As you may or may not remember, Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder had a pretty good career going until he decided to explain why Blacks were better athletes and Whites were better suited to coaching and after that explanation Jimmy was fired from CBS and lost a job that made him about $750,000 a year and this was in 1988 and $750,000 a year was enough money to build your own rocket ship shaped like a penis and shoot yourself into space, which Jimmy probably should have done because after his remarks about race, his career was over.
More recently, Whoopi Goldberg decided to explain that Jews were not a race and while she didn’t get fired, she did get suspended and the lesson here (which I clearly haven’t learned) is that anytime you start talking about race, you’re juggling chain saws while walking through a minefield wearing clown shoes.
So buckle up and let’s see how close I come to destroying what’s left of my career.
The Great Replacement theory
Just in case you didn’t know and even if you did, The Great Replacement is a theory that has its roots in early 20th century French nationalism and got popularized in 2011 by a guy named Renaud Camus and he believed that white Europeans are being replaced by non-White immigrants from Africa and the Middle East and since those people have much higher birth rates than us Whites, the end result will be extinction of the White race.
None of which I’m 100-percent sure is true, but it’s what I just read and the main thing I get out of all that is us Whites need to “get busy” a lot more often if we don’t want to get replaced so next time your spouse claims to have a headache, throw that motivation on the table and see where it gets you.
Or…
I can’t remember which stand-up comedian said it, but his theory about solving our racial problems was that we all needed to keep having sex with each other until we’re all the same color and I like that theory quite a bit better than the previous one because it improves everybody’s chances of getting lucky.
Think about it:
It’s hard enough for the average guy to get laid without waiting for a green light from Ancestry.com and I’m guessing White Supremacists have an even harder time getting laid (which is probably why they’re so pissed off all the time) because bringing a woman back to your bachelor pad might not work out once she gets an eyeful of your Nazi memorabilia and the bedsheet you wear to Klan meetings.
Either way (having sex to preserve the White race or having sex to promote harmony and understanding, sympathy and trust abounding, no more falsehoods and derisions, golden living dreams of visions, mystic crystal revelation, and the mind’s true liberation) we clearly need to have a lot more sex and if I ever run for president that will be my campaign slogan.
And now a word about White Supremacists
That last proposal about Humping Our Way to Racial Harmony (which sounds like a self-help book I’d definitely buy) would horrify White Supremacists because they want to keep their racial lines pure, but if you take a close at White Supremacists the question that immediately leaps to mind is:
Why would you want to keep those racial lines intact?
Look at the people who think they’re the Master Race you have to wonder how they reached that conclusion.
Joseph Goebbels was 5’5” and had a club foot, Hermann Goering was overweight, had a drug addiction and liked to paint his fingernails and toenails red (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and according to WW2 songwriters, Adolf Hitler only had one ball.
So those guys sat around the table, looked at each other and thought:
“Yup, we got Master Race written all over us.”
And here’s an article that says that Hitler/testicle rumor is absolutely true:
I once did a cartoon that asked what you call people who are less intelligent than average, less educated than average and more insecure than average and the answer was: “White Supremacist.”
I’m not going to buy the idea that they’re the Master Race until one of them beats Stephen Curry in a game of H-O-R-S-E.
And now back to the Great Replacement Theory
So this guy Camus talked about the Great Replacement and then White Supremacists grabbed onto the idea and threw in the Jews as part of the problem because they’re clearly behind the whole thing, which reminds me of all the people who thought the Kansas City Star editorial board was secretly running the city and that reminds me of Star publisher Jim Hale publicly bragging he could get absolutely anybody elected to any office and all he had to do was endorse their opponent.
Having been a member of the editorial board for decades (until I was invited to leave) I can assure you the editorial board members would have trouble agreeing where to go to lunch, much less secretly running the city.
But if your life isn’t turning out the way you planned, you probably need someone to blame because it would be too depressing if it was all your fault.
Talking heads need things to talk about and the more controversial the better because that gets people worked up and watching your TV show which raises your ratings so a guy like Tucker Carlson talks about the Great Replacement because as a White male, life has been so unfair to him.
Then Tucker goes home, puts his feet up and enjoys his $35 million salary while some loser in Buffalo actually believes what Tucker said and decides to do something about it and shoots up a grocery store filled with innocent people.
After considering the kind of person it takes to shoot up a grocery store, it seemed to me we would like to replace them, which led to the cartoon posted at the top of this article.
And maybe White people are so worried about being replaced because they know it can happen since it’s exactly what we did to the American Indians. (And I definitely need to make that point in a cartoon and will do that immediately after I finish writing this rant.)
If you want to read more about the Great Replacement theory and its origins, here’s an article from the Anti-Defamation League website:
https://www.adl.org/resources/backgrounders/the-great-replacement-an-explainer
Is it race or is it culture?
OK, so far so good, but here’s where we’re going to talk about racial stereotypes and things get dicey.
And a-way we go.
Anytime you decide to generalize about people you’re probably screwing up because as soon as you say White Men Can’t Jump (which was a pretty good movie and apparently they’re remaking it because Hollywood has clearly run out of new ideas) somebody like me will ask:
“Oh, yeah? What about Dwight Stones?”
(Which is kind of rich coming from a political cartoonist because I don’t hesitate to say “Republicans do this” or “Democrats do that,” but I say those things with the understanding that there are always exceptions to the rule and I understand that even if some readers don’t.)
Anyway…
I was watching batting practice with a pretty well-known ballplayer that retired and went into broadcasting and he started a sentence with:
“People don’t like to say this out loud because it sounds racist…”
And I thought:
“Oh shit…here we go…it probably sounds racist because it is.”
But what he said didn’t sound all that racist. He merely pointed out that people had a tendency to lump all Latin ballplayers together, but they come from all kinds of backgrounds with different levels of education and wealth and being from Cuba was very different from being from Venezuela.
That being the case, take for granted that there are exceptions to everything I’m about to say.
For decades, baseball has had racial stereotypes about Latin ballplayers – they’re showoffs, they’re hotheads, they’re impatient at the plate – that are easily explained once you know more about their culture.
If a Latin player gets a chance to play in front of a scout he wants to be remembered so he might do something flashy that will stick in the scout’s mind like an exaggerated bat flip or pretending to twirl a gun and put it back in a pretend holster after throwing a runner out.
And to get the chance to play in front of that scout, the player might have had to fight somebody to get on the field.
A young Latin player did something that seemed pretty hot-headed and impulsive and when I asked one of his teammates about it, the teammate advised me to give the kid a break because that kid literally had to fight other players to get on a baseball field and putting his dukes up was his first reaction to any kind of confrontation.
And as for being impatient at the plate, here’s an old baseball saying:
“You can’t walk off the island.”
Which means you better swing the bat and do something impressive because a scout isn’t going to call home and say:
“Man, you should have seen this kid take pitches.”
Once you hear those stories you might decide a lot of what people believe is racial is actually cultural and here’s an article that argues that race is a “social construct” and our actual genetic differences are small:
And here’s a quote from the article that gets to the heart of the matter:
“The things we eat, the environment we’re exposed to, our life experiences—these can all modify our gene expression, and then those changes can be passed on to future generations.”
So what have we learned today?
What we think of as a racial characteristic might actually be cultural.
If anyone has the right to complain about being replaced it’s the American Indians.
And I didn’t learn a goddamn thing from Jimmy the Greek.
Aquarius? Really? You sick bastard. I'll have to get blind drunk to get that one out of my head.