Things Are Looking Up
The cartoon you just looked at clearly implies that low reading and math test scores are good for the GOP because dumbbells are more likely to become Republicans.
An opinion I’d file under: “Exaggerating To Make A Point.”
In reality there are Smart Rich People who should become Republicans if they want their taxes cut and the right to hire 14-year-olds and put them to work as coal miners because 14-year-olds will work for less money and are less likely to join a union or push for better working conditions and while all that sound like another one of my exaggerations, unfortunately it’s not.
Now here’s an article about the Republicans fighting child-labor laws:
As for the tax cut portion of my less-than-neutral observation:
If you Google “who benefitted from the Trump tax cuts” this opinion piece from The Hill says it was mainly the middle class, but the guy who wrote it is a regular contributor to Fox News and wrote a book with Glenn Beck, so maybe he’s got an axe to grind and you should take that into account:
On the other hand, I definitely have an axe to grind so take that into account if you read this article which says the Trump Tax Cuts mainly benefitted the wealthy and the businesses they own:
https://www.policygenius.com/taxes/who-benefited-most-from-the-tax-cuts-and-jobs-act/
And this article says the same thing:
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/09/23/who-is-saving-the-most-money-from-trumps-tax-cuts.html
And so does this article:
https://www.americanprogress.org/article/tcja-2-years-later-corporations-not-workers-big-winners/
If I were running a polling company I’d now announce that three-out-of-four people think the Trump Tax Cuts mainly benefitted the wealthy and at the very least one-out-of-five people think Glenn Beck is an asshole. (OK, I may have counted my own vote in that last bit of polling information.)
Anyway…
The point is the Republicans’ main job is taking care of the Rich so you gotta wonder why so many Blue Collar People support them and I believe the answer is all the dog-whistle issues Republicans like to talk about like prayer in schools and who loves the flag the most and the two transgender seventh-graders in your state who want to play soccer.
None of that is going to have much effect on anybody’s life so all those hot-button issues are distractions because the Real Deal is:
Money and who gets it.
Republicans support your right to own a bazooka to protect your double-wide trailer from the Red Dawn Communists and while you spend your time scanning the sky for Russian paratroopers, the GOP is taking care of the Rich People who own an island and a galley filled with slaves who have to row their asses off every time one of those Rich People feels like water skiing.
To be totally fair and completely honest (an option I exercise infrequently) the Democrats also use hot-button issues to distract the peons while taking care of the people who support them financially, but there is a difference and that difference being that regular old blue-collar workers might occasionally get something of real value from the Democrats like environmental protection or worker rights or an entertaining sex scandal involving Oval Office blow jobs.
Of all the amazing stuff Donald Trump has pulled off, Number One might be getting Blue-Collar Americans to think they have something in common with an Egomaniacal-Yet-Insecure Millionaire who wouldn’t spit on them if they caught fire.
(Jesus, I sound kind of bitter, don’t I?)
And speaking of Dumb People (a category I fall into far too often and depending on your political point of view, the preceding essay may have been an example) Dumb People think talking a lot is how you win arguments, but lawyers (the people who actually go to school and take classes to learn how to win arguments) know talking a lot just provides evidence for the other side to exploit because maybe you’ll say something stupid that contradicts something you said in the past.
Which is why lawyers tell you to say, “No comment” and “You’ll have to talk to my lawyer about that” whenever a grocery store clerk asks if you want paper or plastic.
(BTW: That’s really outstanding legal advice and I’ll have my executive assistant bill you just as soon as I get an executive assistant.)
They say lawyers hate the sound of their client’s voice more than anything else in the Whole Wide World unless it’s Spinal Tap playing Jazz Odyssey and if you don’t get that joke you really need to re-watch Spinal Tap because it’s still funny after a dozen viewings.
Anyway…
Donald Trump’s lawyers must really hate Donald Trump’s inability to follow the most basic legal advice and: Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
In the past Trump has claimed the documents he wasn’t supposed to have were “planted” there, but then while test-driving a new and different excuse, said he actually did know the documents were there, but didn’t give them back because he was “very busy” and had to sort through the document boxes before returning them because he’d mixed in a lot of personal stuff like golf shoes, pants and shirts.
So apparently you could be going through a box that contained the Pentagon’s Top Secret plan for invading Cabo San Lucas and the CIA’s VIP Guest List from the Grassy Knoll and find a Nike Dri-Fit Tour Golf Polo Shirt stuffed in between them.
Trump’s also been accused of showing off a Pentagon secret “plan of attack” during a 2021 meeting at his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey, but now he claims he just waved around some papers like newspaper and magazine articles:
“I didn’t have a document, per se.”
So he was either bullshitting then or bullshitting now and if I had to bet my house on it I’d assume it’s a trick question and bet on both.
The cartoon you just saw was inspired by all the people saying “nobody is above the law” which is also bullshit because there is no shortage of Rich People Who Deserve to Be in Jail, but are instead showing secret plans to golf buddies or buying Supreme Court Justices vacation homes.
Of course there are people above the law who get away with all kinds of stuff and some of them are currently running for president.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/20/politics/trump-indictment-cabinet-secretaries-what-matters/index.html
Employing the classic political maneuver invented by Italian diplomat and Premier League goalkeeper Niccolo Machiavelli and known as “Throwing a bunch of shit against the wall and seeing what sticks,” the Republicans have simultaneously accused Joe Biden of directing a complicated plot to indict Donald Trump and convincing the Department of Justice to go along with his insidious plan…
And…
Being an incompetent, out-of-it, way-past-his-sell-by-date and possibly-dementia-suffering nincompoop who couldn’t organize two second-graders and a teeter totter.
So Evil Mastermind or Bumbling Codger: take your pick.
Biden can’t be both, but he can be accused of being both and whichever accusation gets you to vote against him really doesn’t matter to the Republicans because being consistent is not one of the planks in their party platform.
And while I’m being bitter; the Sunday Kansas City Star had an article about those Standing-Up-For-Joe-Sixpack Republicans fighting laws that require companies to give construction workers water breaks, which is just the kind of bullshit that has me mostly voting Democratic even though I know the Democrats also have their share of self-serving asshats.
Anyway…
When Biden was asked about his nefarious scheme to “weaponize” the Justice Department, he said:
“Weapon eyes? You mean like Superman’s heat vision? Man, that was a great show wasn’t it? Me and all the other lifeguards at Public Swimming Pool #232 kinda had the hots for that Lois Lane, but she musta been dumb as a rock because Clark Kent would put on a pair of horn rims and Lois would look around and say, ‘Hey! Where’d Superman go?’ A course not being the sharpest tool on the Christmas tree might not be a bad thing in a drive-in date when you’re looking for some action in the back seat of your Hupmobile…Know what I mean?”
OK, I may have paraphrased Biden’s response if by “paraphrased” you actually mean making the whole thing up, but it sounds like something Biden would say and don’t tell me it doesn’t because it does.
So here’s my take on politicians and their baggage: all of them have some so you have to decide how serious the baggage is and whether it should disqualify them from holding office and when a Conservative asked me why I wasn’t more outraged about Bill Clinton screwing around with Monica Lewinsky I replied:
“That’s exactly the kind of guy I thought he was when I voted for him twice.”
I mainly drew about Hunter Biden because I’ve taken every possibly opportunity and then some to criticize Donald Trump and figured I ought to take the occasional shot at Joe Biden.
On more than one occasion I’ve been asked if I ever considered running for office myself (it happened twice, which technically qualifies as “on more than one occasion”) and my response was no way; firstly because I know all the bullshit I’ve gotten up to and didn’t need anyone digging around in my past and secondly, if I still won an election despite my past bad behavior my reward would be attending endless meetings and I spent most of my four-decade career in journalism avoiding meetings at all costs.
OK, that’s it for now and if you don’t have anything better to do today, you should maybe take the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale test and find out how to vote in the next election.
(I still sound bitter, don’t I?)
Hey Lee, I was an executive assistant for 24 years before my current tech services gig of 16 years. I'll mind your switchboard anytime 😊
These are the kind of essays that make this site the best value on the interwebs. Bravo!