Two-and-a-Half Nazi comparisons

If someone said invite me over for Christmas dinner and I promise to steal all the presents, kick your dog, slap one or more of your children, make a pass at your wife and set the Christmas Tree on fire, apparently 58% of Republicans would say:

“It’s a date.”

Donald Trump has been telling anyone who will listen that if given a second chance at running the country he plans on firing a bunch of government employees, replacing them with people loyal to him and then using that tailor-made government to seek vengeance on his enemies and, according the Associated Press, has refused to rule out abusing his power if we return him to the Oval Orifice.

Apparently, Donald Trump recently got interviewed by Fox News Minister of Propaganda Sean Hannity and I say “apparently” because I didn’t watch it because if I had watched Donald Trump get interviewed by Sean Hannity there was an excellent chance I’d have to listen to Donald Trump and/or Sean Hannity.

But from the AP article about the interview it sounds like Hannity took his lips off Trump’s ass long enough to ask him a softball question – “Under no circumstances, you are promising America tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody?” – but Trump wouldn’t rule it out.

As the above cartoon indicates, Donald Trump has Big Plans for America, but needs a “little help” and right now the majority of Republicans seem willing to give it to him. Even though I feel confident Joe Biden is past his Sell-By Date and it means Four More Years of confused, rambling anecdotes about being a lifeguard and what it was like to ride for the Pony Express, I’ll vote for Biden if Trump’s the alternative.

And the fact that we’re faced with a choice between a guy who has been charged with more crimes than Al Capone and a guy who isn’t 100% sure what year it is, lets you know what a lousy job the two major parties have done at finding appropriate people to run the country.

As you may have already heard, the United Nations had (or is having, depending on when I post this) a meeting on the climate called COP28 (Conference of the Parties) and this year held it in Dubai and it’s the 28^th climate meeting they’ve held which tells you the first 27 didn’t accomplish jack shit.

This year 70,000 – one more time, that’s a 7 and four zeros – people showed up and unless they walked to Dubai, having that many people travel to talk about saving the climate helps fuck up the climate they say they want to save.

According to Bloomberg Opinion, in the climate talks early years just 5,000 people would show up which still sounds like way too many people and if you ever noticed, the NFL (which is more efficient than Hitler’s Third Reich and has now lasted 91 years longer and conquered more territory) limits huddles to 11 people and 10 of them are supposed to shut the fuck up.

Get 70,000 people together to solve a problem and the first problem you’re going to have is convincing 69,999 of those people to stop talking and listen.

Also…

According to a United Press International story, 2,456 lobbyists for fossil fuel companies like Shell and BP and ExxonMobil got credentials for the climate conference and when the COP28 President Sultan Ahmed Al Jaber – who heads the state-run Abu Dhabi National Oil Company, which sounds a lot like holding a police convention on how to stop bank robbers and putting John Dillinger in charge – was asked what’s the deal on letting all these oil company lobbyists into a meeting about how to stop the oil companies, Al Jaber said:

“Let history reflect the fact that this is the presidency that made a bold choice to proactively engage with oil and gas companies.”

History will also reflect that Vichy France made the bold choice to proactively engage with the Nazis and, yes, that’s my second reference to Nazi Germany, but the Liberal’s Code of Conduct allows two “This-Is-How-The-Nazis-Got-Started” comparisons per day and if you’re right on either one of the first two, you get a third one, so in my mind I’ve got one more if you don’t count the earlier “Minister of Propaganda” reference — and I don’t, it’s maybe half a reference — so I’m playing with house money.

Anyway…

Al Jaber also said there is no science that says phasing out fossil fuels is what’s going to fix the climate so now let me return to my earlier NFL huddle metaphor and say this is like the Kansas City Chiefs playing the Philadelphia Eagles and letting Jalen Hurts call the Chiefs’ plays.

(Right about here you might be saying, “Jesus, Lee, you sure bounce around a lot” and first let me say I don’t appreciate you taking the Lord’s name in vain and second, just think what it’s like inside my head: it’s like a mixed-doubles game of racquetball played with three balls at the same time.)

People always think it’s so neat to be creative, but being creative means you’re like one of those Chess Grand Masters playing six games at once and I’ll bet those people are shitty at remembering anniversaries and birthdays too.

Albert Einstein – Guinness World Record Holder for Bad Hair Days – could not remember his own address or phone number so next time you forget something at least remember to claim you’re working on the Theory of Relativity, which as I understand it is creating a list of relatives who need to get a Christmas Card this year and which relatives you can ignore and if I’m any example the correct answer is:

“All of them.”

This is totally speculation because I’ve never been filthy rich, but one of the problems with being filthy rich seems to be having everyone kiss your ass and never telling you that you’re behaving like a jerk and need to clean up your act; a theory that would go a long way in explaining the behavior of Donald Trump and Elon Musk.

So if my theory is correct, the Filthy Rich live in an insulated world where everything they say is considered brilliant or – at the very least – not completely asinine and then the Filthy Rich think it’s OK to say the same dumb things around people who don’t have to kiss their ass and now they’re considered racist or sexist or in Elon Musk’s case, antisemitic.

(And if you’re all three and can somehow add “homophobic” to the list, you should probably run for president on the Republican ticket.)

In any case, a bunch of advertisers on the social media platform formerly known as Prince have pulled their advertising because Elon Musk backed an antisemitic theory popular among White Supremacists and anytime you jump in a boat and the person seated next to you is wearing a JC Penney bedsheet and a hood made out of a pillowcase, you might have jumped into the wrong boat.

Also…

Anytime I hear someone is a White Supremacist I think they should be forced to play LeBron James one-on-one and after that experience ask them if they still believe Whites are the Master Race.

Just in case you decide to become a political cartoonist (which at this point in history would be a really bad decision because there aren’t any jobs) one of the ways you can create a political cartoon is to “extend the logic” and that works like this:

Take something someone is saying and extend their logic to other situations and see if it still holds true. In other words: “If that is true, then this must be.”

In the case of the above cartoon, Congress expelled George Santos because he’s a Big Fat Liar (which is a technical legal term, just can ask any third-grader) and Santos Flaws has been charged with crimes like using political donors’ money for gambling, spa treatments and online porn subscriptions (which is really nuts because they’re now giving that stuff away for free) and he’s also been charged with money laundering, identity theft, wire fraud, obstruction and, generally speaking, being Cuckoo Coo for Cocoa Puffs.

WORD OF WARNING:

Guys who “wear” jackets without putting their arms in the sleeves look like giant douchebags and you should avoid this fashion statement (the statement being “I’m a pretentious asshole”) unless you’re an Italian film director or the military dictator of a small nation.

Also, do not tie a sweater’s arms around your neck because then your fashion statement is: “I’m still a pretentious asshole, but it wasn’t cold enough to not wear a jacket so I’m not wearing a sweater instead.”

On the other hand, do you want to take fashion advice from someone who has on more than one occasion walked around in public with his pants unzipped and it seems to be happening more often the older he gets?

Your call.

In any case, George Santos appears to be a giant dirtball and Congress couldn’t stand to associate with him one more minute which is kinda rich because you know a bunch of other Congressmen (and/or Women) are up to some sketchy hijinks themselves, but are just smarter about hiding it; in reality it’s perfectly OK to be a dirtball, the real crime is being an obvious dirtball.

Anyway…

Our morally scrupulous Congressional members can’t be associated with a known liar and possible criminal: got it.

Now take that lofty standard and apply it to Donald Trump and see if the rule holds true.

Trump’s been charged with over three times as many crimes as Santos and has told a lot more lies and when he got his ass handed to him in an election, Trump encouraged his supporters to overthrow the government and yet waaaaaaay too many Republicans are willing to throw their arm around and him grin for a photo in hopes Trump will tell his Zombie supporters to support them in their next election.

OK, I’ve got to wind things up because at best I’ve got half a Nazi comparison left and I need to save it for possible use at the local grocery store when I try to buy enough cheap whiskey to float the Titanic and some clerk with what can only be impaired vision wants to check my ID and see if I’m old enough.  

Have a good weekend and use your Nazi comparisons wisely.

http://kingfeatures.com/comics/editorial-cartoons-a-z/