Want to find Trump votes? Hold a poll on worst human being to ever be president

To be perfectly honest, keeping up with Donald Trump’s shenanigans is hard to do these days.

Over the weekend I wrote a perfectly good piece about Congress and the Cuckoo-for-Coco-Puffs plan to object to the Electoral College results, but then here comes a story about Donald Trump calling Georgia’s Secretary of State and threatening him if he doesn’t “find” some previously uncounted Trump votes.

There’s a recording of the phone call and Trump runs through his list of election fraud fantasies that have been rejected by just about everybody with two brain cells to rub together, but then the Secretary of State being threatened – Brad Raffensperger, who is also a Republican and at least up until now a Trump supporter – tells Trump the evidence he’s citing is false.

Here’s the money quote from Trump:

"The people of Georgia are angry, the people of the country are angry. And there's nothing wrong with saying that, you know, um, that you've recalculated." 

Actually, there’s a whole lot wrong with that and if somebody wants to investigate election fraud, I know where they could find some.  

To make this even better, turns out the phone call was recorded by officials in Raffensperger’s office, but Raffensperger told them he didn’t want the recording released unless Trump attacked him or misrepresented the call, which of course Trump did the next day.  

So if Trump had just managed to not lie about his latest attempt to steal the election – see how this stuff piles up? – he wouldn’t be in even more hot water, but after four years of this, I’m guessing Trump has grown accustomed to water hot enough to boil a 10-pound lobster.

There are a plethora of explanations for Trump’s behavior (and, yes, I had to double-check the meaning of “plethora”), but here’s one that I think applies in this case:

I think Donald Trump is so used to getting things fixed when he needs them fixed – like finding a podiatrist to say Trump had bone spurs when he needed to have them – that Trump can’t believe there isn’t someone he can call and bully to get the election results thrown out. He just needs to find the right guy to threaten.

Cannot wait for the three asinine stunts Donald Trump will no doubt pull before the end of business today.

And now, the piece I originally intended to run.

Vote your conscience, assuming you have one

Because Donald Trump is the World’s Biggest Sore Loser – an inscription which would look really awesome on the statue of himself I assume he’s going to have built – the American public has learned an amazing amount about the mechanics of elections because Trump has objected to every little thing he can think of.

It’s like the Washington (and we can no longer call them Redskins, so let’s go with Washington Orangeskins which for some reason seems appropriate in this case) lost a game on a last-second, 42-yard field goal and then took the referees, the time keeper, the makers of the football and the manufacturers of the goal posts to court.

Where they once again got their ass kicked 50 times.

Here’s a quote from CNN’s website that sums up the situation:

“There have been no credible allegations of any issues with voting that would have impacted the election, as affirmed by dozens of state and federal courts, governors, state election officials and the departments of Homeland Security and Justice.”

But even without evidence, Trump supporters in Congress are now saying that on January 6th they’re going to object to confirming the Electoral College tallies, which up until now has been a formality.

Weasel-in-human form, Sen. Josh Hawley (R—Missouri) – who appears to be just the kinda guy who would have told the Nazis where his mother was hiding if there had been something in it for him – says he’s going to object to the Electoral College tallies and while he’s at it, ask for an investigation into election fraud and the cover ups concerning Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.

And the spineless politicians joining Hawley aren’t even claiming they have new evidence of fraud, they’re saying they need to do this because millions of Trump voters believe the election was corrupt, but those voters only believe that because Trump and his supporters have lied about it.

Sen. Ben Sasse (R—Nebraska) warns that this is a “dangerous ploy” and threatens the nation’s civic norms, while Sen. John Thune (R—South Dakota) says they’re “letting people vote their conscience” which seems unlikely since some of these elected reptiles don’t seem to have one.

And as if that weren’t enough…

Vice President Mike Pence was being sued by a group of Republicans who wanted Pence to have the power to overturn the election, although the article I read didn’t spell out how that could possibly work, so maybe they were also going to give Pence X-Ray vision and the power of flight while they were at it.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R—Mars) and yet another waste of human skin, was part of the lawsuit, so you know it was well thought out. Here’s another quote from CNN about what Gohmert and his co-conspirators were suggesting:

“Gohmert and a slate of would-be Trump electors from Arizona had said only Pence could decide what electoral votes count -- a remarkable argument suggesting vice presidents can directly determine who wins a presidential election, regardless of the results.”

Mike Pence himself asked the judge to throw out the lawsuit, arguing that he’s not the right person to sue over the issue (that would probably be the Night King from Game of Thrones) and a successful suit would violate the long tradition of Vice-Presidents accomplishing absolutely nothing during their time in office unless you count Dan Quayle and his successful stint as a comedy writer providing material for Saturday Night Live.

The judge – a guy who was nominated by Trump – threw out the lawsuit.

So add that to the long list of frivolous legal actions Trump supporters brought to court only to have their efforts thwarted by lack of standing and the legal precedent of Trump v. Reality.   

Reality doesn’t seem to have much effect on some politicians these days, supposedly because they’re all scared of Donald Trump’s faithful followers, who now appear to have the collective IQ of a 16-pound Brunswick bowling ball.

Bottom line: the politicians who are willing to challenge the Electoral College results are saying screw the voters and screw democracy and screw the United States of America if there is some small chance that setting fire to the Constitution will help them win the future support of the Kool-Aid drinkers who still support Donald Trump.

As several people have pointed out, every time Trump or one of his Walking Dead followers pulls one of these stunts and fails, the media says that’s it: Trump’s challenge to the election is over. Then the Trombies (Trump + zombies, and yeah, I should probably trademark that) will challenge something else like the qualifications of the printer of the Bible Joe Biden will put his hand on to take the Presidential Oath of Office and I’m kinda sorry I just wrote that sentence, because it might give these dimwits another idea.

What sane people worry about is even though these knuckleheads have no chance of changing the outcome of this election, they’re opening the door to this kind of behavior in the future.

Make it OK to behave like this and it might overturn the outcome of some future election and then all bets are off and those survivalists who have been buying up ammunition and cases of Campbell’s soup can finally burrow down in their bunkers and laugh at the rest of us who thought democracy was gonna work forever.

As a citizen of the United States, January 20th cannot get here fast enough, but as a political cartoonist of the Unites States, I’m really going to miss shooting the fish Donald Trump keeps putting in my barrel.

I just wish he’d cut down on the number of fish, because I’ve already shot my limit.

http://kingfeatures.com/comics/editorial-cartoons-a-z/