What with all my recent traveling to hither and yon (hither was nice, but yon was overrated) I haven’t posted a cartoon in quite a while, so today we’re going to take care of that, mainly because my computer’s desktop is getting overpopulated with cartoon images and I’m running out of space to store unused photos and half-baked ideas.
And don’t tell me, “Lee, you should create a “half-baked ideas folder” because if I do that I’ll forget what’s in there and never look at it so I need that stuff on my desktop visually bugging me (kind of like yet another Jake from State Farm commercial) if I’m ever going to be spurred into action.
A phrase that reminds me how much I like the San Antonio Spurs (I might have ADD, but can’t focus long enough to find out) mainly because I think their coach, Gregg Popovitch, is hysterical and when they do those in-game interviews where some media member asks a penetrating question like:
“Coach, what do you have to do to win this game?”
Popovitch will answer:
“Score more points than the other team.”
(Hey, ask a horseshit question; get a horseshit answer. Gregg Popovich isn’t afraid to let a reporter know they just asked a bad question and if more people who get interviewed did that, maybe the questions would get better…but I wouldn’t count on it. Like pretty much everybody else, the media is great at blaming other people for their screw-ups and any interview subject that points out a question sucks gets portrayed as a dick and if you don’t believe me, just ask Ned Yost.)
Anyway…
I need to post some cartoons to clear up space on my laptop and today we’ll get started with:
So it turns out the Russians tried to claim they didn’t bomb the Mariupol maternity hospital, a claim that was slightly undercut by the fact that the hospital is no longer there and where the hospital once stood, there’s a big hole in the ground.
And if you want to read an Associated Press story about that, all you have to do is click on this link which for some reason is only slightly less lengthy than the Chunnel which goes under the English Channel:
(And just in case you were wondering, “Chunnel” is short for “Channel Tunnel” so never say this blog is not educational.)
The Russians also bombed Mariupol’s Drama Theater killing 300 civilians, which wouldn’t seem to qualify as a military target unless they were putting on a production of Hamilton with live ammunition and the Russians also denied they did that and tried to blame the Ukrainian army.
Their tendency to prevaricate (another word for “lying” which I feel fairly certain was created by a lawyer to justify charging enormous fees for turning understandable words into incomprehensible gibberish) led to the following cartoon:
Now here’s a link about that:
https://www.cnn.com/2022/03/25/europe/ukraine-mariupol-theater-dead-intl/index.html
The Russians also bombed an art school sheltering 400 civilians, so while I used exaggeration to make a point – “let’s bomb an orphanage” – I didn’t exaggerate by all that much.
While our outrage about Russian behavior is completely justified, I thought it was worthwhile to point out that the world was outraged by our behavior not all that long ago.
And now we’ll move on to:
I have no idea what kind of hijinks I’d get up to if nobody ever told me no and I had 264.4 billion dollars to fritter away, but I don’t think buying Twitter or attempting to put a car in orbit around Mars or building a rocket that looked like a penis would top the list.
This is an actual picture of the rocket Jeff Bezos financed and if men who buy Corvettes and Ferraris and Maseratis are making up for some “South of the Border” shortcomings, I can only imagine the ego-crippling problems Jeff has in that area.
Ladies, I drive a Toyota Matrix that has no hubcaps (I lost one to a pothole and taking the other three hubcaps off seemed way more economical than replacing the one I lost) and I also cracked the front bumper by underestimating how close it was to the ground and pulling up a higher-than-normal concrete curb…and I almost forgot the paint stains on the rear wheel well which I collected by making too sharp a turn into my garage…and there’s some as yet unidentified scraping noise that occurs when I go over a bump…so I think we can all agree I’m pretty confident in the all-important “Bezos Rocket Area” because I clearly feel no need to make up for things by purchasing a Motorized Penis Extender.
On the other hand…since my eye surgery, my depth perception sucks and if you look at how often I’ve misestimated distances, my “South of the Border” confidence may be misplaced.
Moving on because I wouldn’t want you to think about that last remark too long…
This is an actual toy model of the Bezos Rocket and it sells for $69.99 (batteries not included and it definitely looks like a device that will need batteries). The Rocket can launch 400 feet in the air, so you might want to be careful where you put it right before liftoff.
The people who manufactured the toy said they were: “Proud to partner with Blue Origin to provide a piece of history that inspires kids to dream and imagine.”
And all I can say is: “Mission Accomplished.”
OK, that’s it because I’ve also accomplished my mission which was clearing up space for more half-baked ideas and let’s hope one arrives soon because I owe the syndicate yet another cartoon before the end of the day.
Wish me luck.
Perfect side-gig. "Take-and-Bake" ideas. Shovel all those half-baked notions off on other unsuspecting people that have way too much money and working idea-ovens. I have now used my daily allotment of hyphens.