What’s Up With Greenland?
More than you probably think...
The Chinese have been accused of human rights violations and stealing technology and predatory business practices and cyber intrusions and trying to take over the world in general and the Russians are invading other countries and assassinating enemies and committing war crimes and conducting sabotage and cyberattacks, so with all that happening we decide to get tough with Greenland.
What’s up with that?
According to the internet, the idea of taking over Greenland started with Silicon Valley Tech Bros (a category of humans that are now making the rest of us pay for the fact that they couldn’t get dates in high school) because Greenland has minerals they want and temperatures that would be just right for their giant-ass heat-generating server farms and it’s isolated at the top of the world so when climate change turns the Continental United States into a Radar Range they’ll be at just the right temperature and they also think, “Wouldn’t it be great if we controlled our own country?”
Multi-billionaire Peter Thiel – an associate of Elon Musk’s and Jeffrey Epstein’s – wants his own city in Greenland and it’s going to be called Praxis (a group of lions is called a “pride” and I’m pretty sure a group of pricks is called a “praxis”) where the fabulously rich get to make all the rules and if you put people with the moral standards of a Great White Shark in charge (and a group of Great White Sharks is called the U.S. Senate) there’s no telling what those rules might be.
Turns out, the rich are interested in building their own cities based on laissez-faire principals (which is French for “fuck the poor”) and the Pricks of Praxis (which would be a great name for a Rolling Stones album) claim they already have 87,000 Praxians as part of its current “internet-only state” and they consider themselves “warrior kings” and talk about power flowing from “divine order” (God gave me a shit ton of money, so clearly I should be in charge) and building Praxis would be a stepping stone to colonizing Mars where hot scantily-clad chicks would do their bidding (sounds like they got a lot of their ideas from Dune) and just in case you think I made all this up because it certainly sounds batshit crazy, here’s an article all about it:
https://www.insidehook.com/internet/peter-thiel-praxis-next-great-city-greenland
Almost Forgot, They Also Want To Live Forever
Now here’s an article about multi-billionaires like Thiel and Jeff Bezos who are pissed off that they’re going to die (just like the poor people they abhor) and are trying to buy their way out of Death through genetic research, but they’re facing government regulations and ethical questions about that research, so if they owned Greenland – and Elon Musk has suggested buying it – they could do whatever the fuck they want and test out their genetic ideas on us non-billionaires first:
The multi-billionaires are trying to portray this Live Forever Research as a benefit for all humanity and they admit it will be incredibly expensive at first, but eventually it will “trickle down” to the rest of us which is the same crap they told us about tax breaks for the rich and how’d that work out?
One small problem: if everybody lives longer lives and fewer people die, that means more strain on the environment and as a critic remarked, living longer on a dying planet is pretty much pointless.
But don’t worry, the Rich People who currently run things won’t give homeless people shelter or hungry people food or sick people medicine and according to the internet the most expensive prescription drug in America is Zolgensma which helps children born with a fatal disease – spinal muscular atrophy – which goes for about $2 million a dose, so if they won’t give dying children life-saving drugs unless those children happen to find $2 million in dimes and quarters between their family room couch cushions, I’m thinking it’s really unlikely they’re going to be handing out some Really Expensive Live Forever Drug along with our Food Stamps.
Anyway…
Donald Trump will listen to anyone who kisses his ass so he’s all hot about Greenland because some Tech Bros want to establish an Oligarchy of 300-Year-Old Billionaire Mummies Ruling the World.
Next subject?
Effective Altruism
Google “what is effective altruism” and you’ll be informed that it’s a 21st Century philosophy and social movement that advocates impartially calculating benefits and prioritizing causes to provide the most good to the most people which sounds like it might be OK right up until you hear one of its major advocates is (and you’re going to enjoy this):
Sam Bankman-Fried.
Effective altruism advocates have argued that if a building were burning and you had to choose between saving a child or a Picasso painting, you should save the painting, sell it and save lots of children, a position that makes it abundantly clear why they don’t put effective altruists in charge of fire departments.
“Yeah, we lost the twins, but here’s that Ming vase you were worried about.”
Turns out, the Simpletons of Silicon Valley latched on to this idea and mixed in “longtermism” (which my computer doesn’t think is a real word, probably because it isn’t) and the key principle in this movement is future people matter just as much as people alive today, therefore…
If I do something that looks really bad today like stealing all your money or sucking blood out of my 17-year-old son (more on that in a moment) but it benefits future people, I’m not a criminal or a flaming asshole, so shut the fuck up and give us Greenland.
And Now A Message For Any Republicans I Haven’t Already Driven Off
Bryan Johnson is one of the I Want To Live Forever Because I Deserve It Billionaires and used his own 17 year-old son (who he apparently calls “blood boy”) for “young blood” transfusions (apparently the sludge us old guys have in our veins is like motor oil with 100,000 miles on it) and took a liter of blood from his own kid and if you google “is a liter of blood a lot to lose” the answer is:
“Fuck yes.”
OK, I added the profanity, but the AI overview said a losing a liter of blood (about one fifth of what you have in your body) is too much and can be life-threatening and lead to shock, so if this Billionaire Vampire is willing to do this to his own kid, imagine what he’d be willing to do to you.
If you voted for Trump and like what Elon Musk is doing and are currently thinking:
“Great, it’s us against you Liberals!”
Think again because I sincerely doubt Multi-Billionaires consider you part of their posse and if you suddenly burst into flames on the 17th tee at Mar-A-Lago, Donald Trump wouldn’t even bother to piss on you, he’d just yell “Playing through!” and tell his caddy to have some minimum wage clubhouse attendant come out with a rake and bucket to clean up your ashes.
You are not part of their clique and if sucking your blood or taking your job or letting your kid die because you can’t afford the right drug advances their personal interest one-sixteenth of an inch, they’ll fuck you over and not lose a minute of sleep.
As a number of now-unemployed MAGA voters have discovered, the people currently in charge aren’t loyal to anything or anybody but themselves, which I believe people were telling you before you voted to put these self-centered assholes in charge.
I’d say live and learn, but that’s not always the case and if you’re enthusiastic about a third Trump term, enjoy being a sex slave (if you’re hot) a blood boy (if you’re not) in Greenland.
One More Thing Before We Go
Here’s a quote from an article about Bryan Johnson and his quest to Live Forever:
“As well as blood transfusions, Johnson follows a strict daily routine that includes monitoring his body fat, heart rate variability, blood, stool samples, and the number of erections he has per night.”
The part that caught my eye and probably yours was the monitoring of night time erections, which makes me wonder just how this is done: does Johnson wake up and put a checkmark next to “Nocturnal Stiffies” or does he pay someone else to watch his dick (and men seem to think other people are way more interested in our dicks than has proven to be the case) and I think the point here is all these Nerd Billionaires are really weird dudes that have infantile fantasies based on comic books and pornography.
OK, wait…I just described me.
But the difference is I don’t have a bajjillion dollars or a group of encouraging sycophants that allow me to act out all my weird fantasies and I’m guessing Candace Parker, Helen Mirren and Roy Roger’s horse Trigger are pretty happy about that and as interesting as all that is, maybe we should finish up by getting back to today’s subject:
Infantile Billionaires with Poor Social Skills being in charge and all the weird shit they’ll drag the rest of us in to, so if you’ve been wondering “What’s Up With Greenland?” now you know.
Royals Manager Buddy Bell after a particularly ugly loss by his particularly ugly team:
"I never say it can't get any worse."
Idiot typist me has kept telling myself that it simply canNOT get any worse.
Damned if I don't believe that any longer.
Go to a protest tomorrow!! HANDS OFF OUR RIGHTS