Who was that un-masked man?

A tribute to the stupidity of our Vice President…

I like to think I’m as irresponsible as anybody and have the track record to back it up. Among other things (and these are all true stories) I once:

• “Accidentally” dropped a brother off a mountain and I use quote marks because the facts are in dispute.

• Almost cut off another brother’s ear with a ’63 Buick (long story).

• Used that same Buick to run over the foot of a neighbor kid (totally his fault).

• Went helicopter skiing in the Canadian Rockies even though my skill level wouldn’t allow me to safely look at the terrain, much less ski it.

• Tried to jump off a Folsom Lake embankment in a hang glider even though I had no hang gliding experience and was only saved from some disfiguring injury by a passing park ranger who didn’t think it was such a hot idea, although I can’t believe he didn’t let me try it just so he would have an awesome story to tell the other rangers that night in whatever bar park rangers frequent.  

I could go on and I will.

Here’s one of my favorites:

Me and a friend once organized a softball game that positioned garbage cans full of ice cold beer at each base and required you to pick up a beer every time you passed one.

Hit a double?

That’s two beers and you could carry them around for the rest of the game or drink them – your choice – but either way it effectively handicapped the better players and put us all on a level playing field, no matter how woozy you eventually felt.

(I really can’t believe the major leagues haven’t adopted this rule and if you happen to be the Commissioner of Baseball, give me a call and we’ll work something out.)  

I’d say I did all this stuff when I was young and foolish, but talking about baseball reminded me that it wasn’t all that long ago I took a 92-MPH slider in the left kidney mainly because I thought it was funny.

Just in case you haven’t seen it, here’s a link to that video:

Any way you look at it, my personal history is littered with bad decisions, wrecked cars, broken bones and hangovers that would make a grizzly bear ask for an aspirin.

And yet…

When I go into a public place, I wear a mask…unlike some Vice Presidents I could and will name.  

Since Mike Pence pissed pretty much everybody off by touring the Mayo Clinic without a mask, he and his wife have offered a series of increasingly lame excuses.

First Pence said he didn’t need to wear a mask because he gets tested so often and is sure he doesn’t have the COVID-19 virus which ignores the fact each test is a picture of where things stand at that particular moment and if he encountered someone with the virus between his last test and his Mayo Clinic visit, his last test doesn’t mean jackshit.

It also ignores that asymptomatic people are major drivers of the virus and as Dr. Sanjay Gupta (one of the few sane voices around these days) said:

"The vast majority of individuals that we think are likely transmitters of the disease have no symptoms. You basically have a bunch of people feeling great who think they don't need to follow the rules."

Pence also said he didn’t wear a mask because he wanted to look the health care workers “in the eye” which means he doesn’t understand how a mask works either.

Then his wife went on Fox & Friends and said Mike didn’t know Mayo Clinic rules required visitors to wear a mask, which if you buy that excuse means he walked around oblivious to the fact that everybody around him had a mask on and it turns out that excuse is BS because a reporter tweeted that everyone who was going to the Mayo Clinic was informed of their policy on wearing masks.

And even if the VP’s staff didn’t pass that information along — a huge screw-up if it happened — you might think Pence would follow the White House coronavirus task force recommendation that people wear masks when social distancing is not possible, especially since he’s the task force chairman.

On the other hand, the news about wearing a mask in public has probably reached President Trump by now and he doesn’t wear one either.

I find it increasingly hard to see how anyone continues to defend these clowns.

But looking on the bright side: if anything happens to President Trump – like maybe he tries his injecting-disinfectant-into-a-lung idea – Mike Pence would take over and I feel very confident of one thing for sure:

I’ll always have cartoon material.

Have a safe weekend, everybody.