How this cartoon wrote itself

An essay about people and logic...

As you might have already noticed without my help, people are not always logical.

In Malcom Gladwell’s Talking to Strangers – a 379-page explanation of how and why we misunderstand each other – he writes about an experiment in which the subjects are given a word-completion task like “GL_ _” and the testees (and that may be the wrong word because I’m almost 100% sure the experiment didn’t involve anyone’s reproductive organs, but it won’t stop me from using that word repeatedly) are required to complete the word, so in our example the completed word could be “GLAD” or “GLUM” or “GLOW.”

After the testees complete a bunch of different words they are asked what their choices say about them and for the most part the testees don’t think their choices say anything about them: they believe the results are completely random or a test of vocabulary more than personality.

But when the same people who didn’t think their results said anything about them are given someone else’s results, they are chock full of opinions: this person is depressed, this person is competitive or this person is on her period, an example I didn’t make up, but wish I had.

So it turns out we think we’re very complex and complicated, but other people are simple and easy to read which might explain why we come up with explanations when someone doesn’t return a text 30 seconds after we send them one: they’re clearly mad at us or been kidnapped or lying in a ditch after a four-car pileup and don’t have the strength to depress the buttons to send us a text about going to lunch on Tuesday, assuming the ransom has been paid by then.

Movies and books are full of people who have a difficult time saying “I love you” when the three hardest words for most of us to spit out are actually: “I don’t know.”

Semi-related story alert

I just read the latest John Sandford book (and if you’re not reading him you’re missing a pretty good time) and he’s got a scene where a guy from Minnesota explains that people in Minneapolis try to hide how smart they are – “Aw shucks, I’m just a normal guy who got lucky” – and people from New York can’t wait to show you they’re much smarter than you.

Which seems to indicate I was actually born in New York, not Roseville, California (my memories of that event are somewhat vague) because when we’d have editorial board meetings back when I worked for the Kansas City Star and I’d get asked my opinion (and you had to have one about everything) I’d often say something along the lines of:

“I don’t have enough information to have an opinion” which was my passive-aggressive way of saying they didn’t either, which as I recall never stopped anyone from going right ahead and having one.

So while I was OK with saying, “I don’t know” I couldn’t resist showing how smart I was for not having an under-informed opinion and Sandford’s book made me realize that, so I think it’s high time I take back that John Sandford recommendation.

Do not read John Sandford books because who needs a complete stranger pointing out your personality flaws? We already have spouses doing that job and generally speaking they don’t seem to need much help.

So where were we?

Right, people not being logical.

Today’s cartoon wrote itself when I read a story about a guy who wasn’t going to take the COVID-19 vaccine because he was worried about the side effects and the reporter “managed” to slip in (talk about passive-aggressive) the fact that the guy worried about vaccine side effects had stopped at a convenience store to buy cigarettes.

Add a double bacon cheeseburger, fries and some alcohol and you’ve got yourself a political cartoon.

As someone brilliant recently said (hey, I’m theoretically from New York so get off my back), people are not always logical and here’s another example:

According to the Association for Safe International Road Travel, each year 1.35 million people die in road crashes and another 20 to 50 million suffer non-fatal injuries; meanwhile, according to Statista.com, 137 people died from airplane crashes in 2020.

And yet we have “fear of flying” not “fear of driving” although, now that I think about it we actually have “fear of not flying when you really need to” which reminds me of the George Carlin joke that maybe people would be less  afraid of flying in airplanes if they didn’t have to visit a “terminal” to get on one.

Playing the odds

Nothing is totally safe.

According to dangermonga.com whose logo seems to include some kind of lizard, 341 people in the US died in their bathtub in 2020, a number I won’t vouch for, but does explain the hygiene standards of certain people who ride public transportation. Maybe they’re just being careful.

Anyway…

According to the Associated Press, 3.5 million people have died from the coronavirus (they also think the true numbers may be much higher), so hold on to that number mentally.

Meanwhile, Tucker Carlson has claimed 3,362 people died from taking the vaccine, a claim that has been disputed by the medical community, so you can believe people with actual medical degrees or the man who also believes there is no climate change, white supremacy in the United States is a hoax and a giant-ass bow tie is a good look on a grown man.

Timeout for Tucker

When Tucker Carlson got sued for slander, the Fox News attorneys argued that viewers do not actually expect “facts” from Carlson and the judge in the case (a Trump appointee) bought their argument and said the following:

“The 'general tenor' of the show should then inform a viewer that [Carlson] is not 'stating actual facts' about the topics he discusses and is instead engaging in 'exaggeration' and 'non-literal commentary.’ "

"Fox persuasively argues, that given Mr. Carlson's reputation, any reasonable viewer 'arrive[s] with an appropriate amount of skepticism' about the statement he makes."

So when painted in a corner, Fox News is willing to admit Tucker Carlson is a full of shit and if you don’t know that it’s your problem, which I think you have to admit is a brilliant argument and a position all of us should adopt immediately:

“Hey, you know me…why would you believe anything I’m saying?”

Just in case you’re interested, here’s what the Poynter Institutes Politifact website had to say about Tucker’s claim:

https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2021/may/06/tucker-carlson/tucker-carlsons-misleading-claim-about-deaths-afte/

As someone who’s not trying to drive up their TV ratings by saying crazy shit pointed out, the Johnson & Johnson vaccine distribution was paused when eight people exhibited blood clots, so what are the odds that they’re ignoring 3,362 deaths?

And as yet another doctor pointed out; we’ve vaccinated millions of people and it’s not overly surprising that some of those people died of something else after receiving the vaccine, especially when some of those vaccinated people were so old they were around when the Dead Sea Scrolls first came out in paperback.

The CDC says:  

“A review of available clinical information, including death certificates, autopsy, and medical records has not established a causal link to covid-19 vaccines.”

And while there is reason to question the CDC – they seem to have gotten overly political lately – if your other choice is believing Tucker Carlson I’ve got no problem making that call.

Alrighty then.

Time to quit writing and start thinking about today’s cartoon which will probably be based on someone not being logical and if the past is any indication, I shouldn’t have much to worry about.

And damn…doesn’t a double bacon cheeseburger and fries sound good for lunch?

http://kingfeatures.com/comics/editorial-cartoons-a-z/