According to an Associated Press story, psychologists say people have a need to explain the world around them, so when they don’t have facts they’ll go ahead and make stuff up or buy into conspiracy theories.
But if you think about it – and I just did – there’s no way psychologists actually know for sure what’s going on in everybody’s head, so it kinda sounds like they just made stuff up to explain the world around them.
And apparently their made-up stuff is way better than our made-up stuff because they went to college and got a piece of paper that says they’re totally qualified to make stuff up and you need to pay them $135 an hour to explain that you have a fear of flying because when you were five-years old you saw your mother naked.
Either that or you still subscribe to a newspaper and know major parts of jet airliners are falling off in mid-flight.
Probably because as a five-year-old, the airline mechanic saw his father naked and as a result the airline mechanic now he has ADD and can’t remember to tighten all the bolts on an airplane.
And speaking of psychology, don’t you love how we blame other people for our bullshit?
For instance: I’m still blaming my mother for my occasional periods of selfishness (assuming 23 out of 24 hours qualifies as “occasional”) even though I left home at 18 and have had approximately five decades without her influence to pull my shit together, which I believe is going to happen any minute...starting tomorrow or any other day that isn’t today.
So where were we?
Right – conspiracy theories.
This comes up now because Right-Wing conspiracy theorists have speculated that the Francis Scott Key bridge collapse was caused by:
A cyberattack.
The ship captain suffering COVID-19 vaccine side effects.
The Jews (probably with their space lasers).
More qualified people being passed over when they built the bridge because they wanted to make politically correct diversity hires.
The Obamas, because they produced a Netflix movie about an oil tanker running aground.
Feel free to mix and match crazy-ass theories and come up with your own, like:
The Obamas have secretly converted to Judaism and were briefly employed as undercover bridge construction workers who secretly vaccinated ships’ crews after Michelle lured them into a Baltimore opium den with a smoky rendition of Hey Big Spender (I get to make stuff up too) and when the ship’s crew was passed out, Esther and Shecky Obama planted a computer virus on their laptops.
As the following CNN article points out: there is zero evidence for any of this, which won’t stop people from believing all of it.
And now that we have social media, if you want to pull a theory directly out of your ass and post it online, there’s not much to stop you. And even if your name is L.L. Pantsonfire it doesn’t stop moronic people from believing your lies as long as they confirm the opinions and prejudices those moronic people already hold.
And speaking of moronic people…
Alex Jones – the guy who already got caught lying about the Sandy Hook school shootings –said the bridge collapse looked deliberate to him and was probably a cyberattack and World War Three had already started.
As the CNN article also points out; a number of professional conspiracy theorists try to convince their followers the world is on the brink of a catastrophe so the followers need to get ready and buy stuff they’ll need in the near future like freeze-dried foods and survival kits and solid gold coins which the professional conspiracy theorists happen to sell.
(Wait…was Chicken Little selling football helmets?)
After reading the online theory that the Obamas tried to publicize a movie by causing a ship to lose power in hopes that it would drift into a bridge and collapse it because that’s obviously way easier than buying an ad in the Hollywood Reporter, a True Believer commented:
“Draw your own conclusions.”
So I did.
https://www.cnn.com/2024/03/28/politics/baltimore-bridge-collapse-conspiracy-theories/index.html
Trying to keep track of Donald Trump’s legal issues is like being the play-by-play announcer at a cat-herding competition. But we’ve got to start somewhere, so here goes:
Donald Trump tends to exaggerate when it comes to subjects like how many women want to sleep with him or how many votes he actually got in an election or how much money he has.
Turns out Donald Trump isn’t as wealthy as he wants everybody to believe and he got nailed with a $454 million civil fraud judgment for lying about his wealth and the New York Attorney General wanted to collect the judgment money and planned on seizing assets if Trump couldn’t come up with the dough.
Trump then did what he does best – whine – and got the amount of money he had to come up with reduced, at least temporarily.
A big part of Trump’s image is having more money than Scrooge McDuck so his financial bind gave that image a solid shot in the huevos rancheros.
And the “cash-strapped Trump” (NPR’s description) is now selling $60 “God Bless the USA” bibles which are way over-priced considering if you check into the right hotel you can get a Bible for free, along with those little soaps and shampoo bottles and whatever towels you don’t think they’ll miss.
Trump also recently announced a line of golden, hi-top sneakers for the low, low price of $399 a pair and the way things are going I figured it’s only a matter of time until he appears on the street with a tin cup (but I’m guessing it’ll be the biggest, best tin cup) begging for change.
If you want to read more about Donald Trump’s money problems, here you go:
https://www.npr.org/2024/03/27/1241186975/donald-trump-bible-god-bless-usa
According to the following Newsweek article, Boeing airplanes have had nine “incidents” in the last three months, including but not limited to:
An emergency exit door taking an exit.
A cracked cockpit window.
An engine failure.
A wheel falling off.
A totally different wheel falling off and hitting a car.
A technical issue that cause the plane to drop in midflight.
A fuel leak.
An exterior panel falling off in midflight.
All of which led to the Boeing CEO resigning and me drawing the cartoon you just looked at.
https://www.newsweek.com/boeing-plane-incidents-timeline-full-list-9-issues-3-months-1883101
Now here’s a travel tip: a friend joined me on my spring training vacation and he flew Southwest which uses a Hunger Games seating system (grab the best seat you can even if you have to climb over a blind pregnant woman to do it) and he was on one of Boeing airplanes that appear to be constructed of Lego parts and the emergency exit row seats were WIDE OPEN.
Apparently nobody wanted to sit next to an emergency exit door that might not be there for the entire flight. So if you’re the kind of person who likes travel, adventure and gambling, you can now kill three birds with one stone.
Before I went on vacation I drew the cartoon you just looked at about the U.S. House of Representatives passing legislation giving TikTok two choices: find a buyer or face a ban in the USA.
A piece of legislative theatrics that started debates about its chances in the Senate and freedom of speech and whether TikTok actually represents a National Security risk and whether having the DH in both the American and National Leagues is a good idea.
All of which (in my opinion) misses the point.
I believe a whole bunch of politics is actually a distraction to get us arguing about the issues they want us to argue about so we don’t spend too much time thinking about the stuff they’d rather we ignore, like: who’s getting how much money from who to do what?
So being skeptical if not cynical I wondered why the politicians who are so worried about our national security haven’t done more about gun violence.
OK, that’s it for now and enjoy your weekend and if at all possible, watch a baseball game which might not be possible because greedy owners have made a mess of their TV contracts and the game in general.
Frankly, I think it’s a conspiracy.
Nice read. Coincidentally, my Substack going up in about an hour is titled “Mass Delusions.” Pretty much the same thing. Rational people believing the most easily disproven bullshit because tribalism etc… If you’d told me when I was a teenager the world would be like this by the time I was an old man I never would’ve believed it.
“… who’s getting how much money from who to do what?”
Instant classic (unless it is already).